Beyond the Tech: Spreading the Holiday Spirit

Since this is my last column until second semester, I wanted to spread the holiday spirit to a struggling team, a struggling GM, and one of my favorite teams at Wesleyan.

The Knicks Blow!
(to the tune of Let It Snow)

Oh, Isiah Thomas’s management is frightful,
Francis and Marbury’s attitudes are so spiteful,
But at least they have Kelvin Cato! (Ha, ha, ha)
The Knicks Blow, The Knicks Blow, The Knicks Blow.

The Losses show no signs of stopping,
And all five point guards continue popping;
Madison Square Garden’s a sad place to go,
The Knicks Blow, The Knicks Blow, The Knicks Blow.

Eddy Curry’s game’s a sad sight,
Can we find old Patrick Ewing a uniform?
But maybe Renaldo Balkman will see the light,
And Maybe Steve Francis will find his form. (laughs)

The team’s desire is quickly dying,
Another point guard Isiah’s probably buying,
If only Nate Robinson Could Grow?
The Knicks Blow. The Knicks Blow. The Knicks Blow.

Theo Kills the Sox
(to the tune of Jingle Bell Rock)

Theo wheels, Theo deals, Theo kills the sox.
Theo spends millions and Theo spends more
Acquiring and signing bust after bust.
He’s made a mess of the squad.

Theo wheels, Theo deals, Theo kills the sox.
Matt clement signs as Hanley shines.
Now JD’s Dancing and prancing all the way to the bank.
We have Theo to thank.

The off season’s a bright time, it’s the right time
To go sign some talented guys.
But Theo’s deal time is the real time
To make some over priced buys.
Let’s Go Theo, Here we go, it’s a new day!
Find us the next Jimmy Fox.
But finding a way to give Manny away?
That’s the Theo Wheel,
That’s the Theo Deal,
That’s how Theo Kill the Sox.

Tech B-Ball Isn’t Messing Around
(to the tune of Santa Claus is Coming to Town)

William’s didn’t watch out,
Nicky and Shep made them cry,
Coach Mac had no doubt,
The ‘stache looked so spry.
Tech B-Ball’s not messing around.

J’s taking the rock,
Steve’s dropping some dimes;
NESCAC’s gonna find out Will’s court sense is nice.
Tech B-Ball’s not messing around.

Kaminer finds the man who’s open,
Winter’s Hustles all the time.
Collins throws it down with no abandon
So be weary when the game’s on the line!

NESCAC better watch out!
Ray’s D might make them cry.
They better not pout if Gabe bodies their guy.
Tech B-Ball’s not messing around.
Tech B-Ball’s not messing around.