Dear Amos Elberg and Eric Mosinger,
Thanks so much for opening my eyes to the way my world really is. All these years I just assumed that one could think of Israel’s behavior as a nation as abhorrent without assuming the same things about all Jews. Fortunately, you have removed my blinders and made me see the light: I am, in fact, anti-Semitic. My support for Palestine can mean nothing other than that I hate all Jews with a fire and intensity that can never be quenched. When Israel invaded Lebanon over the summer, I merely thought that I believed the news, and that it was a “few bad apples” who were destabilizing the entire region over two kidnapped soldiers. Now I realize that I thought every Jew I knew was out there murdering Lebanese babies. Especially Betty, my Jewish girlfriend; all this time I thought that she was being nice to me, when she was actually fattening me up to eat me. You know how they do. Good thing I now realize I’m actually anti-Semitic so I can eat her first.
It’s a tough world, but it’s like they say: “Kill all the Jews or they’ll bulldoze your house.” I have no doubt they’d do this even though everyone else in my house has some Jewish ancestry. They sure are sneaky. All this time I’ve been at Wesleyan, I’ve managed to keep my anti-Semitism in the closet; now I’m coming out, and in a big way. Now that I’m comfortable with who I am, I’m going to start dressing more anti-Semitic, and spending more time on anti-Semitic grooming too (maybe I’ll shave my mustache into a little Hitler thing; that would be so cute). Everyone’s always stereotyping us, saying, “Anti-Semites do this” and “Anti-Semites do that.” Fuck them. I’ll express my anti-Semitism however I want, such as by lying and saying that the US is giving Israel billions of dollars of military aid every year.
For the longest time, I thought that it was only the small-minded rhetoric pushers like you who thought that any crack against Israel must be directed against all Jews, and that support for the oppressed people of Palestine could exist with something other than pure bigotry as its motivation (the old me would’ve called it compassion). I especially thought that I couldn’t be anti-Semitic, since, as an Arab, I am in fact a Semite as well. But thanks to the extremely eloquent writings of Eric Mosinger and Amos B. Elberg, I’ve since moved past these simplistic analyses and realized the truth: anyone who disagrees with Israel hates all Jews. I am proud to count myself among them. I’d love to stay and write more, but I’m late for a 10:00 synagogue burning.
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