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Typical Wespeak template

Dear Argus,

Today I read/heard something that offended me. Since then I have concluded that the person responsible for what I read/heard is a total jerk. The classes I have taken here at Wesleyan render me quite sure that I am correct in this matter. My group of friends assures me that all contrary points of view are nefarious. The fact that this person would say the thing that offended me is a clear sign that this person is ignorant of the fact that ___. This person’s ignorance of this arcane/esoteric/spurious/totally-made-up point of argument, around which I have organized my entire life as far as I can remember, is a clear sign that this person is inferior to me, and does not belong at Wesleyan, or belongs here only insofar as this person can be altered to conform to my intellectual ideals. I am sure that after a polite argument, in which I achieved total intellectual domination, this person would agree. There is no way this person could not, given the fact that ___! I’m glad I won’t have to hang around with losers like this person very much longer. After I graduate, I can surround myself with ___, and those who are not ignorant of it. Phew.

Respectfully,
James Buturla

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