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Elegy for Williams’ football team

O Williams o wonderful Williams
Playing for the 109th time
With many more victories
Against this smaller team
On their field.

O Williams o wonderful Williams
The weather was beautiful
Seventy degrees in November
With plenty of Gatorade and water on both sides
Provided by the host team.

O Williams o wonderful Williams
You started out so well
Interception and touchdown
Leading 7-0 at the first quarter
You looked so handsome in your purple pants.

O Williams o wonderful Williams
Despite inspirational music by your opponent
You score again, 14-0 now
The other team can’t seem to score
Against your heavier, stronger players.

O Williams o wonderful Williams
Who is this other team you are playing?
Their half-time show consists of 6 motley dressed cheerleaders
Reciting poetry about political correctness, sexuality, justice, and diversity.
Does this school know about your high sports rating in SI

O Williams o wonderful Williams
After coasting in the 3rd quarter with your lead
You score 2 more times in the final stanza
Williams 26-0 with 5 minutes left
Another win for Williamstown for sure.

O Williams o wonderful Williams
But wait!
What is happening on the field?
The other team has scored
Their admirers—even their cheerleaders—are going berserk.

O Williams o wonderful Williams
The last team that scores, wins
Don’t be too sad, dear friend
The score could have been worse
Wesleyan 2-Williams 26.

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