Austin Purnell ’08 is a man of many talents. If you haven’t seen him in the Science Center lobby for a Gag Reflex show, then perhaps you’ve seen him running down the streets of Middletown wearing little more than a fur coat, or maybe even playing a gay crack whore on the stage of the ’92 Theater. But who is the real Austin Purnell? Read on to discover more about this WesCeleb’s love for really old women, his ability to freestyle about American Idol has-beens, and why some call him the next William Shatner.
Annalee: A lot of people probably know you from Gag Reflex, but you also do a lot of regular acting. Give me your most embarrassing moment on stage.
Austin: Okay, there’s a movie…a senior thesis film, a friend of mine [Josh Ente ’08] directed it…the movie’s like, pretty ridiculous, it’s really bizarre, I can’t even explain it. I mean, I was running around in a giant fur coat and silver tights and leather gator shoes, in like, November cold, with a glam rock wig on for every day of shooting pretty much. So I would just be freezing my ass off in the streets of Middletown, like on Main Street, practicing my run and stuff. Just the looks I got from passersby were pretty insane. It was just very embarrassing. Deep down. And there was another shoot on the highway, so just endless cars passing by. I got honks, I got shouts, I got everything.
Annalee: Wow. So, you might be less known for your music abilities, but apparently they’re aplenty. I’ve heard you also used to spend long nights freshman year furiously working at the keyboard (like, musical keyboard). Where did you get your inspiration on those long nights?
Austin: I’ve had that keyboard for six years now and I got really good with it, so the better I got the more I wanted to learn about it. Now people actually wanna hear what I make.
Annalee: Have you performed at all?
Austin: A couple times. I was in the Rage Against the Machine cover band freshman year. We started up a band and we had one concert at the community service house and it was the most fun I’ve ever had. It was just all my friends and I had always wanted to do Rage Against the Machine songs. A little tipsy here and there [laughs].
Annalee: So what happened to the band?
Austin: We’re getting back together on Friday, actually.
Annalee: On another note, I’ve heard that you’re pretty well-traveled and have been to Japan and Egypt, among other places. You said you studied abroad? Where did you go?
Austin: I went to Cairo. I had an incredible time.
Annalee: Do you have any good travel stories?
Austin: Oh yeah. I had this roommate who was a Southern rebel kind of guy and we took a long run through the city one day and…um, a pack of wild dog emerges from the alleyway in front of us and, I’m like, oh shit.
Annalee: Oh, no!
Austin: And there’s some behind us, too. So it was just like, we’re screwed. I’m not really used to running into wild animals on my runs, but Bradford’s from the mountains of Western Carolina, he just keeps running forward, he stops, looks at them and gets down in a three-point stance and just starts barking [imitates a loud bark] and then they all ran away.
Annalee: Wow. You’ve been to Japan, too?
Austin: Yeah, I did that in high school when I was taking Japanese. Two summers I was there.
Annalee: So some more general questions: What would you say is the single most interesting thing about yourself?
Austin: Well, people look at me funny when I say this but I am like…I’m a metal head. I really love metal. Everything between 1980 and 1995, well actually 1996 is my cutoff, if it’s music and it was recorded, then I love it. It doesn’t matter what it was, it can be as terrible as anything and I would love it. If it’s metal, if it’s R&B, even some classical stuff that was made back then, just because it reminds me of that era. Okay, here, my goal is to bring back the Golden Age, which was, I consider to be, 1980-1996.
Annalee: How are you gonna do that?
Austin: I don’t know, I’m just gonna live every day as if it were that and just lead by example. And of course, some would say it was a terrible time with the gang violence and the fashion.
Annalee: So speaking of bringing back the Golden Age and future aspirations, what do you want to be when you grow up?
Austin: Probably, you know, actor, musician, but still engaged in writing and things like that. Just be in the scene somewhere. Chill.
Annalee: If you had to get anybody’s face tattooed onto your body, whose would it be and where would it be?
Austin: I think it would be John Witherspoon from “Friday.” He’s the old guy that goes [licks each of his fingers quickly], “Bang, bang, bang!” And under John Witherspoon’s face—it would be huge, on my back—it would say, in the scroll, it would say, “Bang, Bang, et Bang.” In Latin. And he’d be pointing. Or licking his fingers.
Annalee: If you had to be on a Reality TV show, such as “Shot at Love, with Tila Tequila” or “Rock of Love” and completely embarrass yourself in order to make a celebrity fall in love with you, whom would you embarrass yourself in front of all of America for?
Austin: Um, oh, God. Every time I see [takes a deep breath] okay…anybody, anybody, I would want to like, marry Angela Bassett.
Annalee: Oh, older women?
Austin: I like older women, man, I do! I know she’s like 50 years old, like mad old, but, she’s just got that swagger. Mm! Stella got her groove back!
Annalee: If you died and were reincarnated—now this is really testing if you really meant what you said about liking all ’90s musicians—but could only be reincarnated as either Celine Dion or David Hasselhoff: the musician, who would you choose to embody?
Austin: David. Come on.
Annalee: The Hoff?!
Austin: The Hoff.
Annalee: Um, alright. If the story of your life was made into a movie, who would play you and what would be the name of the film?
Austin: Mm…alright, um, it would be…it would be Shia LeBoeuf! Right? And it would be called, “I Grew Up in South Central, But Now I’m Dating Rihanna. Check me out.”
Annalee: Alright and so finally the last question. When you leave Wesleyan, what do you want your legacy to be? Alright, so say one day someone was to buy a building and name it after you, and on that building there’s a plaque. What do you want it to say about you?
Austin: I just really like to see people laugh, to see them smile, to see people happy, so, it’d say, “Austin Purnell: 2008. This building is dedicated to this young man who loved to make people laugh and also pulled the greatest prank the senior class has ever seen before.”
Annalee: Mmm.
Austin: That’s also one of my goals. I think that it’s necessary. I want the class of 2008 to be remembered for something. I’ve been thinking about many ideas, but um, that’s all I can say on that.
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