MoCon meals have become somber affairs as the reality of the impending farewell has begun to resonate among the student body.
But students do not have to say goodbye to MoCon, however. It will still be an integral part of the Wesleyan community next year, albeit in a different capacity.
According to Residential Life Director Fran Koerting, MoCon will become a housing option for sophomores, juniors and seniors. The one-person unit will be the largest single on campus at 34,000 square feet.
Koerting expects the room to be in high demand.
“MoCon has the potential to be a majorly pimped-out bachelor pad, yo,” she said. “Like that shit you see on MTV Cribs!”
Indeed, the room boasts many shagadelic features. For starters, the spiral staircase is a wonderful way to lead that special someone to your shag location of choice.
“I bet I would score with more chicks if I had a spiral staircase in my room,” said Leonard Skinnard ’10, who currently resides in Nicolson.
Once you’ve lured your catch down the staircase, you can further woo your future partner with alcoholic beverages from the converted state-of-the-art salad bar, rumored to be the second longest in Connecticut.
“We do not condone the use of the salad bar for alcohol,” Koerting said.
The characteristic MoCon scent is rumored to be a potent aphrodisiac, and will surely linger on in years to come.
“Whenever I smell that MoCon smell, I just wanna jump someone’s bones!” said Muffy Bergler ’09.
The ultimate benefit of rooming in MoCon is the plethora of alluring pickup lines it provides. A list follows:
– “I’ll grill your cheese.”
– “I’d like to wrap you up in a flour tortilla.”
– “If you were a salad, I’d order you without dressing.”
– “I’ll bang you harder than a Beta boy bangs his cup on the table.”
– “There’s plenty of room for spectators … if you’re into that.”
– “Wanna see a MoCon hot dog?”
– “Wanna find out what today’s hot special is?”
– “Stir my fries.”
So, next time you eat at MoCon, try envisioning it as your shag palace!
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