We are all familiar with the age-old adage—“Don’t forget to use protection!”—that we’ve been told, in one way or another, by a mother, father, aunt or friend (which explains why you are an accident). The fact of the matter is that the importance of using contraceptives has increased significantly over the years as sexually transmitted diseases have become more prevalent.
There are countless forms of birth control available, but one must keep in mind personal health, frequency of sexual activity, number of sexual partners (let’s face it, if you feel like you must read this article you are not getting laid that much), and desire to have children in the future when choosing the appropriate contraceptive. So read on, and choose one that is right for you!
Male Condom, Latex/ Polyurethane
Condoms provide STD protection, and are applied immediately before intercourse, used once and then discarded (or kept for the memories). The risks associated with condoms are irritation, allergic reactions, and an unpleasant experience if you leave it on too long after you expel your liquids, but these risks are lower with polyurethane condoms. Condoms have an 89 percent success rate, which is probably better than your WesGPA. They do not require prescriptions and are easily obtained.
Female Condom
The female condom is a lubricated sheath shaped similarly to the male condom and inserted into the vagina. Like male condoms, the female condom can cause irritation and allegoric reactions. However, the female condom only provides some STD protection (the most popular brand is the Syphillator 3000). Female condoms can be obtained without prescription and are applied before intercourse, used only once and then discarded. The female condom is 79 percent effective.
Diaphragm with Spermicide
The diaphragm with spermicide is a dome-shaped rubber disk (see Astrodome for example) with flexible rim that covers the cervix so that the sperm cannot reach the uterus. Talk about being cock-blocked! Spermicide is applied to the diaphragm before insertion. The diaphragm is inserted before intercourse (if applied afterwards it is less effective) and left in place at least six hours after, although it can be left in place for 24 hours. Risks associated with the diaphragm include allergic reactions, irritation, whooping cough, urinary tract infections, and toxic shock syndrome. Metal ones could induce tetanus. The diaphragm, which requires a doctor’s prescription, does not prevent STDs. It is 83 percent effective.
Spermicide
Spermicide is a foam, cream, jelly, chili, doughnut filling, film, Central Asian delicacy, suppository, or tablet that contains a sperm-killing chemical. Though spermicide offers no protection from STDs, people who use it risk allergic reactions and urinary tract infections. The spermicide is applied between five and 90 minutes prior to intercourse, and typically lasts from six to eight hours (perfect for a trip to Pennsylvania). The non-prescription chemical has a rather dismal effectiveness rating, as it is only 50 to 80 percent successful in preventing pregnancies, but on the bright side there is no diaphragm.
Oral Contraceptives
Oral contraceptives are pills that suppress ovulation. So, of course, they are only available to women. Birth control pills have a multitude of side effects, which include dizziness, changes in menstruation, mood and weight. Also, the pill must be taken on a daily basis, regardless of the frequency of intercourse. And for all of this, the pill does not even offer protection against STDs. The pill, however, is 98 to 99 percent effective.
Patch (Ortho Evra)
Available only to women, the patch releases specific hormones into the bloodstream. It is similar to oral contraceptives in that it offers no protection against STDs. A new patch is applied once a week for three weeks and is not worn the fourth week. The prescription patch is also 98-99 percent effective.
The Argus wishes all its readers a Happy Valentine’s Day and reminds you to use protection!
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