The campus was awash in mild-mannered indifference this week following a calm and reasoned debate sparked by the publication of a polite and considerate Wespeak. The muffled sound when the general campus population read the Wespeak and shrugged could be heard only within a few feet’s radius. The piece, authored by Eric Trout ’07, was received good-naturedly by the Wesleyan community and several Wespeaks were written in response, expressing mild disagreement but thanking Trout for bringing a new perspective to light.
“And therefore, my intellectual peers, I humbly put forward such propositions as to titillate and to enrich our understanding of this issue,” wrote Trout in the Wespeak. “Certainly, we cannot suggest it is ALL of my propositions that are titillating and enriching, as such a line of inquiry indeed qualifies as absurd and does not merit further consideration. But many, many, MANY are, and I hope you find likewise, dear reader.”
Students were found throughout campus discussing the issues raised by Trout in a constructive and thoughtful manner. They hesitantly admitted that they were at some variance with Trout’s views, but emphasized that coming to grips with different points of view is part of the learning process.
“The Right Honourable Mr. Trout’s assertion that ‘many, many, MANY’ of his arguments are enriching and valuable seems, to me, not entirely justified by my admittedly flawed understanding of the facts,” said WestCo resident Adam Johnson ’08 over a plate of nachos, a joint, and some Dom Perignon champagne. “But Mr. Trout certainly brings a new approach to the topic of discussion, and as Voltaire is said to have wrote, ‘I may disagree with what you have to say, but I shall defend to the death your right to say it.’”
Other students submitted Wespeaks in response to Trout that were not as circumspect. They expressed their disagreement in sharp and clear terms that stopped short of actually criticizing Trout.
“It would not be contrary to the pursuit of truth and forthrightness to state that I am to some extent slightly wroth with you, my good man,” wrote Piz Toff ’08. “Let us debate this issue calmly and respectfully.”
Even in the face of exceedingly polite and reluctant opposition, Trout refused to back down from his position on the aforementioned subject.
“Have we not seen these issues arise before?” Trout wrote. “Are these not the issues that crashed into the World Trade Center on September 11, 2001, killing 3,000 Americans? Exactly.”
Trout’s defense did not end there.
“I am aware that such assertions may challenge some of our prior evaluations of the matter at hand,” Trout wrote in the Wespeak. “But, as Benjamin Franklin said, ‘He that blows the coals in quarrels that he has nothing to do with, has no right to complain if the sparks fly in his face.’ If my quest to investigate the issue on the floor has, quite contrary to my hopes, provoked discord in the fellowship of Wesleyan, I apologize most copiously and, indeed, I submit to your scrutiny, dear reader.”
“If Sir Trout will quote from the American founding father Benjamin Franklin, it must surely be met in kind,” wrote Joe Schmo ’07. “As the illustrious Franklin said, ‘Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.’”
“Snakes on a plane,” responded Trout.
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