Argus Sexy Singles

Dana “Cox ’till it hurts” Wollman ’06
(718) 483-0248

What’s the sexiest thing about you?

The fact that I have no qualms about shouting commands in your sweaty face, or even wearing a unitard. I also like it when you wear a unitard. Also, I do a mean Anne Greene impersonation.

~~~

Justin “Hospitaliano!” Holzwarth ’08
(770) 715-3576

What do you look for in another person?

Unlimited salad and breadsticks

~~~

Marissa “The Phlegm Fatale” Brostoff ’07
(818) 216-8888

What’s your secret sex fantasy?

It’s November 9, 1989 and I’m a tough East German dissident with big glasses and an old leather jacket, and I haven’t seen my West German lover for sixteen years, but we’ve been schtupping across the Berlin Wall all this time through notes smuggled in jars of borscht. Suddenly the Cold War is ending and I run to our special place under the American billboard for Spam. We hammer away at the wall with the borscht jars we’ve collected over the years until we can see each other’s faces, then our necks, and finally the concrete slab crumbles in the face of our passion. As our bodies meld together, slathered in a cold traditional beet soup, I detect Spam on his tongue and taste freedom.

~~~

Katey “Ring My Southern Belle” Rich ’06
(803) 640-6735

What do you look for in another person?

Heterosexuality and a working knowledge of “Project Runway.” Willingness to watch the Food Network a plus.

~~~

Matt “007.5” DiBlasi ’07
(203) 710-9854

What’s the sexiest thing about you?

I’m Italian. Everything about me is sexy. In addition to my charm, good looks, and hot body, I have one of the greatest minds of our time. Also, I’m living in a senior house as a junior. And I’m editor-in-chief.

~~~

Bob Weisz ’07
(773) 314-3758

What’s the craziest thing you would do for love?

I’d punch a thousand roses, and cremate a thousand unicorns, and from those remains I’d build a thousand rainbows, all for the solace of the beating heart.

~~~

Toby “Can I take your photo?” Shaw ’07
(347) 229-6291

What do you look for in another person?

Hey, did you know that porcupines have penises 2/3 the size of their bodies??