It’s a familiar scene- you sit down at your computer to start a paper and just can’t seem to pry yourself away from checking people’s away messages, looking up your compatibility with someone on WesMatch or writing a Friendster testimonial. You think to yourself, “If only I can learn one more random fact about someone, everything will be right in the world and I can finally nail this 10 page paper.”
The addiction is worse for some than for others, but it seems like most of us have, at some point, participated in even the most innocent online stalking, or at least know someone who has. And it can go beyond just checking our friends’ away messages to include people who are on our buddy lists unbeknownst to them or whose profiles we read on WesMatch. Although AIM, Google, and even WesMatch are not brand new, I’ve been especially struck lately with the level to which many people I talk to employ these methods to gather information about a friend, a love interest or a complete stranger.
So what is the ever-growing fascination with the technological tracking of others’ lives? Is it simply procrastination at its worst or is it a larger need to feel connected, up-to-date and aware of what’s going on with people at all times- what exactly they are doing, where and with whom?
“Somehow when you don’t know someone well and you find out little tidbits about them through Google or WesMatch you feel like you know them better even though they don’t know you any better. It’s this false connection that you can build in your mind through technology,” said a junior who wished to be known only as Haley.
Alana Sisson ’04 echoed similar sentiments. “It’s weird when you know so much about someone from their Friendster testimonials, IM or whatever and they don’t know anything about you,” Sisson said.
So how much do we actually use these online technologies for their intended purposes and how much is purely to fulfill voyeuristic curiosities?
“WesMatch is really only a stalking tool. It’s the only way we have to get people’s screen names and birthdays and such. I don’t think anyone on this campus actually uses it as a matching service, just as a way to find out information about people. Since people don’t take it seriously you have to find other uses for it,” Haley said.
Dave Ahl ’05 said that WesMatch is particularly helpful in learning someone’s dating status, which can otherwise be awkward to find out.
“[On WesMatch] you can see if someone’s single or not, if they have it updated. It’s so much better than the alternative which is trying to talk to someone’s friends because this at least allows some degree of anonymity,” Ahl said.
Although technology continues to provide new methods for stalking, there are still the “old-fashioned” techniques that many people turn to, particularly on campus. Several of my friends have looking up info about people down to a science. First, knowing a name is necessary. Then they turn to the student directory to find out their class year, where they live on campus and their hometown. Next comes a WesMatch search and finally, if they’re lucky, maybe some clue about their schedule- where they have a class or what time they have sports practice- so they can conveniently bump into them at the right time.
How common are these techniques? Are we all guilty of having coincidentally taken a different route to get home just to pass by someone we might want to see?
“I used to stalk someone when I was a freshman. He was a senior and I never thought I’d talk to him, but I knew I’d always run into him at a certain time so I’d casually stroll over there,” said Aja Gabel ’04.
David Engelberg ’04 added that one popular tactic is looking for someone in a place you know they always study. Sisson also said finding out what party someone might be at and trying to show up there, too, is effective, though she does not consider it stalking.
Engelberg and Sisson went so far as to define different levels of “stalking.”
“There’s a difference between physically showing up outside someone’s classroom and checking their away messages or Friendster profiles,” Engelberg said.
My sense is that it’s not just the desperate or extremely curious—we all crave finding out information about each other, whether online or in person. And it’s not just the “stalkers” who perpetuate the fascination, it’s everyone who takes the time to write an interesting away message or create a good profile on WesMatch. Because we know our information will inevitably be read, we want to portray ourselves in a certain way, especially knowing full well that it can be accessed by others.
“I’ve definitely had people know stuff about me obviously from looking it up somewhere, and it shocks me for like second, but then I’m like ‘whatever.’ I put the info there for people to look up so I don’t mind as long as it stays at a reasonable distance,” Ahl said.
It seems that with all of these tools, it’s difficult to maintain privacy, but more and more, many of us seem to want ourselves and others to be accessible at all times. If we sign online, there is the potential to know where we are throughout the day; if we carry our cell phones, we can be called at any time.
So, can we ever hope to pry ourselves away from these harmless stalking habits – especially as the online methods available to us increase every day? Do we even need to curb the obsession or does it genuinely make our lives more interesting? Does it actually give us a glimpse into people’s lives, or just into the way they want to be seen? If nothing else, it gives us ample ways to procrastinate. Or at least that’s what I tell myself…
Ilana Glosser ’05 is an English and Psychology Double Major. This is part of a series of weekly columns about college life and other issues. Email feedback and suggestions to iglosser@wesleyan.edu.
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