For reasons not entirely clear to us, this issue ended up being entirely Pope-themed. We had nothing to do with it. It must have been ordained from on high, like all our editorial decisions. Speaking of which, we shall no longer covet Comix’s oxen or goats, the Ampersand shan’t be read on Sundays, and we can each marry seven wives.
Platform: Being seminally humorous; annoying hippies and activists; high-double digit-wieners; impressive understanding of all things you don’t get; old-timey measurement systems; anti-Semitism
Word on the street is that sixty-six freshmen have been forced into triples in the Butts. The reason is some combination of Reslife going abroad and too few juniors being morons, or something to that extent. Speaking from experience, being forced into a threesome is not fun. The last time it happened to me was when this girl made me watch Garden State with her.
One of the best things about being a sophomore is that I now have basic human rights. As we all know, freshmen are subjected to physical abuse, mind games, and humiliation as part of their welcome to Wes. I personally won’t miss Ookie Cookie Wednesdays, or being used as a urinal by drunken seniors, but studies have shown that beatings and subjugation are a proven, effective method of achieving both class unity and mental toughness.
May 26th, 2006 marked the beginning of Wesleyan’s yearlong celebration of its 175th anniversary. Yes, it’s hard to believe that Ivy League rejects and kids not athletic enough to go to Williams have been coming to Wesleyan since 1831.
Please, if you have not already, look up and to the right and read our title header above the big headline. The Ampersand is dedicated to bringing you humor in all the most obscure measurement systems. And we’ll live up to our promise– unlike certain other organizations that have promised forty acres and something.
So, Einstein, you’ve finally made it to college, where some of the country’s brightest minds gather in one intellectual nirvana to discuss the likes of Kafka, Kant, and Khrushchev. Uh-oh. I just named three guys whose names start with "K." Like… KKK. You know, the guys in sheets. One might call this little snafu… Aaaaawkward!
Welcome to Wesleyan! Now that you aren’t going to concern yourself with the rigors of going pre-med, you should try to relax a bit and work on socializing.
What, exactly, is the state of sports at Wesleyan? Will you be able to run your personal best in the half-marathon, feel the life-affirming crunch of a fellow man’s bones beneath your cleated heel, or smoke a fat doob while tossing the ’bee? The answers, my friend, are yes, no, yes.
Wesleyan University is an old, prestigious school with a rich history. Orientation Week is your chance to partake in the timeless tradition of stealing that history. The Orientation Scavenger Hunt, commonly referred to as "Grave Robbing" and "Good Ol’ Fashioned Larceny," is a tradition dating back to the Egyptians. While it is not a University-sanctioned event, it sure is a lot of fun.