When I was a young man living in rural North Dakota we lived near a couple abandoned warehouses that were converted into low-income housing.
In light of the recent writer’s strike we decided to write our own television episode of the new CBS sitcom “Welcome to the Captain.” However, we have never seen this show, nor do we know much about it. On the CBS website we were able to find out the characters’ names and a brief description of them.
Within recent issues of the Wesleyan Argus, students have expressed their displeasure with the newspaper as a whole. These students have challenged not only the validity and quality of said periodical, but also the overall intelligence of those who write for it.
1928: The film The Jazz Singer receives an Oscar at the first Academy Awards celebration for making movie history. It is the first film to use audio clips in scenes where the white jazz singer sang in black face. It won in the category of "Most Racist Thing Yet to Be Captured on Film."
MIDDLETOWN – Wesleyan University fraternity men are taking the time to honor one of the city’s fallen geriatrics. Every week the brothers of the Psi Upsilon fraternity at Wesleyan hold a massive festivity with a large display as the centerpiece. This week, the rager is in honor of the Mildred Fessenbottom, an elderly woman who had fallen out of her wheelchair in front of Psi U and was unable to get up.
Well, Valentine’s Day falls on a Wednesday this year, so you know what that means for me. That’s right! A hot and sensual night filled with a hallmark card from my grandmother followed by a new episode of Top Design and repeats of The Real Housewives of Orange County on Bravo (hey, if I were blind I am sure I would think one of those ladies is hot).
There has been a bit of controversy surrounding the latest issue of the Ampersand. More specifically, concern has been expressed around an article entitled "Shaniqua Jackson-Shalom for Dean of Diversity" that was published on January 30th.
Manute Bol is anything but "manute" in any facet of his character, as the Wesleyan University maintenance staff recently found out. Bol, a 1985 second-round NBA draft pick by the Washington Bullets and former defensive Rookie of the Year, joined the Wesleyan lawn-care and maintenance staff three months ago, signing a three-year, $50,000 deal.
My fellow citizens of McDonaldland, I beg of you to reconsider voting for Mayor McCheese. Granted, his legal first name is "Mayor," but that doesn’t mean he must be mayor. Just look at Cedric the Entertainer. I realize that most people continue to vote for McCheese because they confuse him with Ted Kennedy, but just look at all the terrible things McCheese has done.
In 1989 I was on top of the world when my little restaurant, the Max, was selected as the food provider for Bayside High School. I had a glorious time serving the likes of Zack, Slater, Kelly, Jessie, Screech, Lisa, and a bunch of unpopular kids whom they exploited over their years at Bayside.
Last Friday I was asked to write some blurbs for some movie ads. Originally they wanted Evan Carp to do it, but he was unavailable because he’s too busy writing speeches for the Pope. They found my name on a list of former Foley pages and gave me a call.
May 26th, 2006 marked the beginning of Wesleyan’s yearlong celebration of its 175th anniversary. Yes, it’s hard to believe that Ivy League rejects and kids not athletic enough to go to Williams have been coming to Wesleyan since 1831.
One time, I took one of the public safety cars, not one of the stupid SUVs, mind you, but one of the real deal Police Interceptor cop cars. Anyway, I took it in the middle of the night, and turned the lights on. Not, like, those red ones that stay on all the time, but the real kind that flash and look intimidating and everything.
Hey, my name is Brian Morgan, but you can call me Captain. As in Captain Morgan. I am running for a position in the Wesleyan Student Assembly. A lot of people don’t know who I am (the real me, not Captain Morgan. I know all you guys are just dirty alcoholics), so I am going to tell you who Brian Morgan is and what he stands for.
Frequent pornography viewer Kyle Morpeth ’09 looks forward to putting into practical use the advice and information about women he has gleaned from the incalculable amount of erotic videos in his possession. "I just saw a movie where the woman was totally turned on by the pizza man knocking on the door and asking ‘who ordered extra sausage’. It’s genius," Morpeth said.