You may know him as the inspiration behind some of Lunchbox’s funniest skits. Others of you might be like, ‘Oh, Zach Rebich, I know him, he’s that Jewish kid.’ No, actually, he’s not Jewish. He’s half Serbian, half—I believe—Irish. He’s funnier than you, better looking than you, and all together awesome. And I had the rare pleasure of conversing with this staple of the Wesleyan drama and humor scenes the other day:

Argus: So Zach, what do you think makes you a Wesceleb?
Zach Rebich: Well, you’re sitting here interviewing me so you must think there’s something worthy. I’m in Lunchbox. I’m in Wesleyan’s funniest sketch comedy group. It’s also Wesleyan’s most photogenic sketch comedy group. I’m in Wesleyan’s most gang affiliated sketch comedy group.

A: Ok, so you’re a baller. What have you done lately that our readers should know about?
ZB: I took on a horde of zombies last week. There was this outdoors s’mores night out there [points to Usdan courtyard] and, well, unfortunately I got eaten. It’s my own fault–I wasn’t watching my six and a crawler got me. But I did take out four or five Z’s with my marshmallow launcher, and that’s been one of my lifelong dreams.
I’ve been in the Ebony Singers for the past two years, and I got to rap in the last performance. It was a Christian gospel rap song called “Let the Word Do the Work.” I had hoped that performance would serve to jumpstart my hip-hop career, but Dre hasn’t called me back.

A: It was a gospel rap song?
ZB: Well, yeah. That was what was awesome about it. I’ve also been heavily involved in The Melodrama for the past two years.

A: For those of our readers who may not know what The Melodrama is, could you briefly explain?
ZB: I think The Melodrama is one of the most fun, creative productions that gets put up every year at Wesleyan. It’s an old-style, Western melodrama, where the audience is given full license to get involved in the show, marshmallows are given out to be thrown at the audience’s digression, and they get to yell at the actors…and most of the audience is usually pretty drunk, 40’s in hand.

A: That sounds awesome. I know that you co-wrote a musical last year that was put on at the 24-hour theater festival at the ’92 theatre. Have you ever written anything else?
ZB: Well, yeah. In my junior year of high school, I wrote a play called SuperBowl Fun Day. SuperBowl Fun Day chronicles the story of Ralph, a young loner with dreams of being a magician. He scores his first big magic show with the rather lame League of Aspiring Young Magicians, but unfortunately the game takes place on Superbowl Sunday. His mother attempts to be supportive, but his father and brother would much prefer to watch the game. Their neighbors (the very forward, very senile Rose and the crotchety old paraplegic Phillip Walker) ends up throwing a straight jacket, a plasma TV, and an unexpectedly potent batch of brownies into the mix, and a good time is had by all… even Ralph.

A: Wow—old people and brownies in one play—that sounds freakin’ sweet. I hear that you’re also into computer programming, is that right?
ZB: I’m a big computer nerd. I’m a computer science major, and spent the summer working for a computer company called “Weshop” building their website. The website is basically what you’d expected to fall out if Amazon and MySpace got drunk one night and shared a room in a dirty motel (social networking for consumers – if you want to use the “professional lingo”). And I recently got commissioned to design them a Facebook application.

A: Speaking of Facebook, zombies or vampires?
ZB: Zombies are way cooler than vampires for the simple reason that, should you fall victim to a zombie, you’re done for; you become one of those mindless killing machines. If you fall prey to a vampire… you become a vampire. Vampires can fly and suck people’s blood and have a functioning frontal lobe! That’s an infinitely better existence than zombies have – hell, it’s an infinitely better existence than many HUMANS have.
And yes, sometimes when vampires bite you you simply die, but NO MATTER WHAT if a zombie gets you, you are completely fucked. And that’s what it comes down to: with zombies there’s much more at stake. And of all the apocalypses that could claim humanity, the zombie apocalypse is by far the most fun and provides the most personal freedom (most libertarians have a hard-on for the zombie apocalypse for its near inevitable breakdown of government and the fact that, once the zombies hit, no one will ever again question anyone’s right to bare arms). Also, zombies don’t subject themselves to stupid two-dimensional romances written for tweens. I’m just saying…