Elissa Gross ’08 has a lot of fears, but she’s far from shy. She hosts her own radio show, choreographs and performs for Terpsichore, dressed up as a grandma for the sex party, and carries a purse shaped like a watering can. We met up in PAC, where she told me about her upcoming job at a fat camp and the secret behind Bret Michael’s hair.

Isabella: I heard about your Terp dances. So, what do you have to say about that?

Elissa: Well, it’s funny because before I came to Wesleyan, I would never ever dance. When I was 13 and it was bat mitzvah season, and we had a lot of Jews in our school and it was like the social event of every weekend, I brought a pair of crutches to some of the bat mitzvahs so I didn’t have to dance. And people would be like, “you are not on crutches,” and I’d be like, “ow, my foot.” So, when I came to Wesleyan, I was told to audition for Terp because it’s not for dancers, and … I auditioned for the senior theses by accident. I got into one, and I was in it, and it was modern improv, and it was really overwhelming, but I really liked it. So my choreographer was like, “well, you should try choreographing.” And I was like, “I wanna make fun of Wesleyan, and dance, and see how far I can go.” So we did a party scene, and I brought a keg on stage, and had a streaker and it was like a party on Fountain…

I: Someone told me about the forum that you ran last semester.

E: It was “Representations of Fear in American Society.” Essentially, my good friend and I live in fear of everything and can barely function as human beings. I was definitely raised on fear. My mother would show me “60 Minutes” when I was really young, and it would be like, “E. coli! Don’t eat meat!” And then I didn’t eat a hamburger for like 15 years… So I guess I’m just interested in why people are afraid, how we as a culture kind of feed off of fear, and so we did everything from really early horror movies to “In Cold Blood.”

I: What would you say is your craziest fear?

E: It’s pretty all-encompassing. But probably naked old men at nudist colonies in West Virginia who ask me on nude dates. Miraculously, I have actually lived through my worst fear and survived. But there’s just so many. And now I’m graduating and I’m really scared.

I: I’m sure! What are your plans for after you graduate?

E: I have my summer planned out, and beyond that … I’m actually working, I don’t know what to call it, I call it a fat camp, they don’t call it that… They say “weight loss reduction,” but that doesn’t make sense…But it is the top fat camp in America, the oldest one. Also, it’s been on MTV. I’ll be running the radio station, and being a counselor…

I: So you said you’re going to be running a radio station there, and you have a radio show here too, right?

E: I have no idea what they want me to do at the camp, like, play inspirational music? Yell at the kids not to eat? I don’t know. But here, I’ve had a show since sophomore year, “Don’t Cry For Me, Angelina,” which is a celebrity gossip and music show. We just interviewed a Wes alum who works at VH1, who gave us the inside scoop on what’s under Bret Michael’s bandanna.

I: [Gasps] What is under it?

E: A weave.

I: I hear you really like hats. Is that true?

E: Uh, my mother says that I can wear any hat and look good. I don’t know. I really like sunglasses. And I really like strange purses. The old ladies love this one [reaches down and picks up her purse, which is shaped like a bright green watering can].

I: I was going to ask! I thought it was a real watering can.

E: Yeah, people ask me a lot, like, do you have water in there? But, hats … I guess, I have my grandmother’s bathing caps here from the 60s and they look like synchronized swimmers in like black and white movies and I wore it to the sex party. So, I do like hats, but I wouldn’t say they’re a huge passion of mine.

I: Speaking of the sex party, did you actually dress as a grandma?

E: The same friend I led the fear forum with, we went freshman year, and we were like, “I don’t know about this.” I’ve realized throughout college that I’m not really a party person, in general. And then when it’s really overwhelming and sex-themed, it’s just not something I want to be a part of. And then this year… we thought, we’re kind of too old for the sex party, but it’s our last chance, so let’s really represent how we feel. So we smeared lipstick all over our faces, and powdered our hair white and put on my grandma’s bathing caps.

I: How did you get involved in Wesrugby?

E: Second semester sophomore year, I had a lot of aggression issues, and would just take dish sets and break them. So I was like, I need to find a better and cheaper way to deal with my aggression. So I joined the rugby team. I think I was a lot more well known and better at making the rhymes during drink-up than at rugby, but I really enjoyed it. When I tell people that I played rugby, they’re always like, “But you’re so feminine and soft.” And I’m like, I don’t know if that’s a compliment, but thank you? Actually, my parents have no idea that I played rugby.

I: So is this going to be how she finds out?

E: Well, my parents read The Argus on a regular basis. My dad would give me The Argus and be like, “look at these WesCelebs and Sexy Singles, that’s so quirky, that’s so Wesleyan.”

I: Little did he know, one day you’d be a WesCeleb!