We’ll only serve whitefish. No lox, no gefilte fish, not even any Swedish fish. And no blowfish. So it’s a homophobic restaurant, too. But don’t worry; we’ll serve you lots of carp and pike. Roasted.
Jeff Pike ’04, beloved alumnus and voice of oppressed straight white males everywhere, announced plans this past weekend for his own version of Take Back the Night, entitled Straight Back the White. SBtheDub will provide a safe space for the innumerable straight white males who have fallen prey to the sinful ways of licentious women, evil Sodomites, and Jews.
Rosary Beads: Until the little Draculas and French Maids start dressing up as little Popes, we have to make sure the focus stays on Jesus (and keep the “hallow” in Halloween). Candy Porn: A variation on the age-old Halloween classic, but with a sinful aftertaste. Pre-Filled-Out Proxy Votes for Election Day. Condoms. Laxatives: Not all […]
Last week Mark Kelley wrote one spicy meatball of a review of my restaurant. I just wanted to clear the air and give you all the facts before you decide not to eat here. First and foremost, we never claim to be the end all be all of Italian dining. It’s no Olive Garden or nothing, but it’s nice, like a hilariously large moustache.
Recorded Voice: City and state, please. Enraged Conservative: Middletown, Connecticut. Operator: Middletown, how can I help you? EC: Yeah, hi. I’d like the phone number for New World Laser Tag. O: One moment, please… I have here A New World Laser Tag, 423 Main Street in Middletown. EC: Okay. Ma’am, your utter lack of the […]
I fucking hate you ass bitches. Where do I start with you and your shitty fucking restaurant? Possibly on the fact that we almost fucking died trying to make the suicide turn into the parking lot. Of course, I would rather go out in a car crash then go out from the E.coli-infested dog shit that you pass off as food to unsuspecting customers.
Mr. Alfredo, how someone can make such shitty shrimp alfredo using so few ingredients is really a modern marvel. Now, I’m not saying that all Italians are waiters, but many, many, MANY of the waiters at Alfredo’s Seaside Restaurant last night were Italian. I’m not an Italiophobe, but Italians are not special.
In 1989 I was on top of the world when my little restaurant, the Max, was selected as the food provider for Bayside High School. I had a glorious time serving the likes of Zack, Slater, Kelly, Jessie, Screech, Lisa, and a bunch of unpopular kids whom they exploited over their years at Bayside.
An anonymous email and hand-bill went out across campus Saturday, announcing the merger of Wesleyan groups the Lightening Society, the Lightning Society, and the Enlightenment Society. The three groups previously occupied separate niches on campus. The Lightening Society’s stated goal is “to ’lighten’ the atmosphere at Wesleyan and at the same time effectively stir shit up.”
On Thursday, October 19, many students discovered large pieces of chalk outside their residence halls and houses. The next day, the Argus informed them that the secretive “Lightening Society” had placed them there! The society’s mission does not involve Michael Jackson’s skin or ethnic cleansing; rather, it aims to encourage creative expression through chalking.