On Thursday, October 19, many students discovered large pieces of chalk outside their residence halls and houses. The next day, the Argus informed them that the secretive “Lightening Society” had placed them there! The society’s mission does not involve Michael Jackson’s skin or ethnic cleansing; rather, it aims to encourage creative expression through chalking. (Apparently, the Society holds the wacky notion that something could be more creative than the denouncement of blacks, Jews, and homosexuals. That’s the apex, duh.)

It’s perfectly clear that The Lightening Society has ascended to the position of “Wesleyan Ladle”— it wants to “effectively stir shit up.” And seriously, what stirs shit up more effectively than a big old ladle? Wesleyan seems to be obsessed with spoons, anyways. People justify somewhat uncouth crotch/butt cuddling by calling it “spooning.” Speaking of butts, everyone in the Butts played that “Spoons” game, eliminating people by tapping them with the curvaceous metal utensils.

Congratulations, Lightening Society. From now on, each time I stir my vegan chili (the only thing in MoCon that consistently resembles edible food), I’ll think of your valiant promise to “effectively stir shit up.”

Thanks for making my dining experiences more enjoyable.