The representative of the so-called Green party at Wesleyan, Giant Joint, has recently been lit up all over campus. He’s been around for years, but he’s never been as fat as he is today. I remember his smaller but devoted following during my freshman year of ’06-’07, and his popularity has grown steadily since, unlike the number of WesWings specials over the same period — their pasta sauce is an insult to Italians who, by the way, invented the word for vendetta.

Now, there is no doubt that Mr. Joint has entered our hearts and brains, taking us on adventures to hallowed lands of Bob Marley and cheese popcorn. There is no doubting his generosity and phallic resemblance, but I’m worried about his politics.

Now I’d like to remark on the WSA for a second. It theoretically functions as a liaison between the students and administration, but it’s obviously imperfect, as shown, for example by the recent miscommunication about fire-safety inspections. Thus, the WSA has other, more practical uses to the student body. The first and most important is as something to piss on. When things go wrong, we blame the WSA, who in turn blames the administration. It’s a straight line of bitch bitch bitch, but one that we can’t afford to break. If the WSA weren’t there to whine at the president, then we, the people, would have to do it ourselves. Electing Giant Joint would be showing the administration that the WSA is inept and constituent-less, which as of now can neither be confirmed or denied.

Think of the children, the bright-eyed and skinny-jeaned ’14ers who want to have as much irresponsible fun as we’ve all had, and without consequence, as college should be. Giant Joint has the capacity to bring students together, but he won’t save us when Mike “the Professor” Roth decides he knows what’s best for everyone and becomes Mike “the Terminator.” If we put too much faith in our friendly but totally inanimate candidate, Giant Joint, Wes will suffer.

So please, vote for real people. Keep Giant Joint out of office and where he belongs: on Foss Hill.

About Ezra Silk

I have been interested in journalism ever since I was an editor at my high school student newspaper, where I was involved in a freedom of speech controversy that was covered in the local newspaper as well as local television and radio outlets. The ACLU became involved, and the ensuing negotiations lead to a liberalization of my school's freedom of expression policy. I worked as a summer intern at the Hartford Courant after my freshman year at Wesleyan, reporting for the Avon Bureau under Bill Leukhardt and publishing over 30 stories. At the Argus I have been a news reporter, news assistant editor, news editor, features editor, editor-in-chief, executive editor, blogger, and multimedia director. I have overseen the redesign of, founding the Blargus and initiating ArgusVideo at the beginning of my time as editor-in-chief during the spring of my junior year. During my senior year, I have co-edited the Blargus with Gianna Palmer and founded Argus News Radio, a 15-minute weekly show produced by WESU 88.1 on which I conduct a weekly segment interviewing seniors about their thesis topics. I have written over 70 stories at the Argus and continue to do reporting and blogging as much as I can.
  • Sam Bernhardt