Following in its tradition of repudiating major trends, Wesleyan saw a significant increase in its applications this year, unlike most other liberal arts colleges, whose applicant numbers dwindled as a result of the recession. In fact, the figures are rather startling, even for normal rates of growth: Wesleyan saw a 40 percent increase in applications during the 2008 November early decision period, and a 22 percent increase during its regular admissions period. Naturally, this led us to wonder—what, possibly, could have accounted for such an anomaly? Then we remembered that there are an abundance of reasons why cocky high school seniors across America would choose Wesleyan over Trinity, Tufts, Williams, Amherst, Brown, Dartmouth, Princeton, Harvard, Yale, Cambridge, Oxford…
OBAMA!!! Obviously, what better way for aspiring young politicians to jump-start their political careers than by getting their diplomas from the school whose website sports Barack’s handsome face on its homepage? It’s practically a green light into the White House.
MGMT. For the less political and more artistically inclined applicants, Wesleyan’s name shines in the music world as being the birthplace of the internationally renowned indie pop group, MGMT, also known as The Management. With their debut album, Oracular Spectacular listed as Number Twelve on the UK Album Chart and Number One on the Billboard Heatseeker’s Chart in 2008, it seems pretty clear why any high school kid harboring dreams of going on world tour with his punk band would pick Wesleyan for its long history of musical excellence.
Voted second most Vegetarian-Friendly School by PETA2, the youth division of the famous animal rights organization that protects baby seals worldwide.
DKE. No explanations necessary except: Best Parties Ever. The eighteen year old quarterback of a high school varsity football team has only to glimpse the beer-stained walls of DKE’s hallowed halls, or trip over the empty red solo cups littering the front porch, with its white Ionic columns towering majestically beneath the cloudless Connecticut sky, to rush off a copy of his transcript to our admissions office.
Asher Roth, estranged son of Michael Roth. Little known but enticing fact: Asher Roth, American rapper from Morrisville, Pennsylvania, famous for his hit singles, “Lark On My Go-Kart” and “I Love College” (we suspect the latter was written as a tribute to his father when he acquired the presidential position at Wesleyan) was born twenty-some years ago to Michael Roth, but ran away from home at the age of twelve when his father told him that, if he wanted to pursue a career in music, he would need to start writing lyrics that were “more Freudian” and less “My-Spacey,” at which point little Roth burst into tears and decided to make music that would sympathize with the plight of the Wanna-Be-HipHop-But-Decidedly-Suburban teenager. He says: “The first CD I ever bought was Dave Matthews Band’s ‘ Crash’…That is how suburban I am…Damn I don’t sell coke . Damn, I don’t have cars or 25-inch rims . I don’t have guns. I finally got to a point where I had the confidence to do this thing myself, and I was making music for me. And it turns out, a lot of people feel the same way I do.”
Usdan. Oh, the architectural marvel of it! The spicy aroma of Mongolian Grill stir-fry dishes tantalizing your nostrils and whetting your appetite! The metal spoons that leave a slight taste of soapy residue in your mouth! What other liberal arts institution could offer such a distinguished culinary experience?
Rated Most Annoying on Gawker Survey. Next to Sarah Lawrence, Wesleyan was voted most annoying school by this highly acclaimed national survey. It’s the number, not what you’re ranked for, that really matters.
In The Heights. Watching this spectacular Broadway production, which was nominated for thirteen awards and won the 2008 Tony Award for Best Musical would naturally make any audience member wonder what sort of place could possibly have inspired such creative talent in someone so young. Hmm…
Alma Mater of Craig Thomas and Carter Bays, writers of the hit TV series, “How I Met Your Mother.” Perks include numerous references to Wesleyan during episodes—another fast track to stardom for those wanting to break into the TV industry.
Alma Mater of Noted Film Scholar Michael Bay. The creator of Transformers AND Transformers2 went to Wesleyan? That’s a better reason than all of the above put together.