A final plea: Vote Hussein!
Two days ago, I was sentenced to death by hanging. For my last meal, I insisted on going to O’Rourke’s ...
Ampersand
John Kerry, comedian: An Ampersand exposé
It was a Wednesday night when I first saw Senator John Kerry (D-MA) take the stage, nervously standing in front ...
An open letter from Officer Big Mac to the citizens of McDonaldland
My fellow citizens of McDonaldland, I beg of you to reconsider voting for Mayor McCheese. Granted, his legal first name ...
Weird stuff to give out on Halloween
Rosary Beads: Until the little Draculas and French Maids start dressing up as little Popes, we have to make sure ...
Pike takes back night, night diagnosed with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
Jeff Pike '04, beloved alumnus and voice of oppressed straight white males everywhere, announced plans this past weekend for his ...
Editors’ note to open racist seafood restaurant
We’ll only serve whitefish. No lox, no gefilte fish, not even any Swedish fish. And no blowfish. So it’s a ...
Vote Max for Wesleyan food-service provider
In 1989 I was on top of the world when my little restaurant, the Max, was selected as the food ...
Don’t promote reverse-racist dining
Mr. Alfredo, how someone can make such shitty shrimp alfredo using so few ingredients is really a modern marvel. Now, ...
Alfredo: Fuck you
I fucking hate you ass bitches. Where do I start with you and your shitty fucking restaurant? Possibly on the ...
Enraged conservative calls 411
Recorded Voice: City and state, please. Enraged Conservative: Middletown, Connecticut. Operator: Middletown, how can I help you? EC: Yeah, hi. ...