Owen Albin ’07 was the first kid on Earth with a buzz cut. Well, it was a tie: his brother had one too. Anyway, here’s our stab at interviewing a senior interviewer. Boy, did we get schooled…in Owen!
Janie: You’re a senior interviewer. How are the tools?
Owen: The tools that I interview or the tools that I work with?
Janie: Oh, snap!
Owen: I didn’t mean that, actually. I’m not really at liberty to say any specifics, but kids say some really interesting things during the interviews.
Janie: Do you fear for the future of Wesleyan?
Owen: No, I don’t. Actually, a lot of the kids are a lot more qualified to get into this school than I was. I feel like the crop is getting better every year, and I suck.
Justin: They’re probably lying. I lied during my interview.
Owen: Yeah, I think that a lot of them do lie, but a lot of them are really bad liars.
Janie: You can also check body odor and hygiene.
Owen: Exactly. Mostly it’s a PR thing for the school; it makes kids want to come here more. Also, it’s a way for us to ensure that cool kids keep coming to Wesleyan.
Janie: What were you for Halloween?
Owen: I was herpes. I started off as a swinger from the ’70s. I had big hair and these really incredible tight, colored pants, and then somebody told me that I looked sleazy and embodied what they think an STD would look like, so I just went with herpes. A lot of people didn’t get it.
Justin: Did you get it?
Owen: Unfortunately.
Janie: Lunchbox and the Spirits are going well?
Owen: They’re going really well. There are huge, huge whores and douchebags in Lunchbox, who I hate (Janie Stolar). No, they’re really great groups. They’ve both changed a lot since I’ve been in them. I think that people expect me to be the leader, but I don’t really do anything.
Janie: Pretending that I’m not in Lunchbox, what do you think doesn’t work for a Wesleyan audience, and what do you think works for a Wesleyan audience?
Owen: Wesleyan audiences are the best audiences to perform for, because pretty much everything flies in terms of how offensive you can be. There’s really not much that doesn’t fly here. Not many Jew jokes float around, but other than that pretty much everything goes here for comedy. Other schools tend to be more less funny. Brandeis is a really good example. Brandeis is where fun goes to die, I would say.
Justin: Were you pleased with your first Lunchbox show?
Owen: Yeah! It went really, really well. It’s easy to get stressed out about how a show went, but I’m happy about this one. The Spirits–I’ll just put this in–we’re really good, too, this year. It’s the smallest the group’s been since I’ve been in it, but it’s the ideal size for an a cappella group. It’s 11 kids. We sound really good, and we’re doing a lot of different kinds of music and having a great time in the process.
Janie: I think that all of the groups are smaller this year.
Owen: I think it’s because Wesleyan reached its capacity for a cappella both in terms of how many people can sing here and how much a cappella people on this campus can take.
Janie: If you could master any celebrity impression that you can’t–I know you can do Bush, Tom Cruise, and Anchorman–what would it be?
Owen: Brad and Angelina. Together. Talking over each other. Talking to their children.
Janie: Brad’s a hard one.
Owen: That’s because he’s so down to earth. I respect him.
Janie: Speaking of, if you could grab the buttocks of someone famous, whose feel would you cop?
Owen: Jesus Christ. JESUS CHRIST! Jesus or Garry Coleman. If they’re not the same person.
Justin: Have you ever stolen anything?
Owen: I had a friend in school who was a klepto. We had this restaurant in Ann Arbor, Mich. with all these enormous African tribe masks on the wall, and my friend stole four of them throughout high school. I also felt really uncomfortable about it so no. I don’t think I’ve ever stolen anything.
Janie: Okay, what was the most embarrassing phase in your life? Like a haircut.
Owen: First of all, my brother and I were the first people in America to have buzz cuts. It’s because my mom dressed us exactly the same for a long period of our lives. We were also soccer kids growing up. We both still play soccer a lot and consequently we wore soccer jerseys a lot. Every day we’d come into school in a soccer jersey and bowl cut. Then we made the switch to buzz cut, and we were the first people to do that.
Justin: Here’s one I got out of a book: If you could go back in time but never come back, when would you go?
Owen: I would probably go to the filming of “Kate & Leopold” and stop them from making the movie. My mom made me see that movie with her, and I hated it. Actually, I’d go back to [King] Arthur’s time. That would be a lot of fun.
Justin: So what do you like most about yourself?
Owen: My modesty. I’m the most modest person that I know.
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