Here at the WesCeleb World Headquarters, we decided to branch out and do something new: try to break stereotypes. Ed Klein ’08 is your typical jock: a preppy varsity athlete who frequents frat parties. Dig beneath the surface, though, and you’ll find a self-aware, articulate, funny guy…with a lot of underwear.
Q: A lot of people on campus are suspicious of hockey players and DKE brothers. What do you have to say to the haters?
A: I would say that I’m not a brother, contrary to popular belief, and I think the anti-hockey feeling is more along the lines of people being really superficial. I hang out with a lot of hipsters, and they often discriminate based on clothes and body type. I went over there [Eclectic] two weeks ago with two of my friends who are on the [hockey] team and open-minded, and we went to the second floor where everyone was hanging out. When we walked in it was like crickets. Silence. I was like “Hey, how are you doing,” but [my teammates] said they just got death stares.
Q: Are all teams received badly or is it just the hockey team?
A: I think it kind of varies. I feel like the whole breakdown socially is built up in people’s heads. Nobody really gives a shit who’s doing what.
Q: Let’s talk about your wardrobe. You definitely have a personal style.
A: My mother still buys all my clothes, and every time I come home for a weekend or when they come up for games, she always drops stuff off. In elementary school she frequented the Gap, and it was not unusual for me to be vested in a “Canadian tuxedo” (jean jacket and matching jeans) or nylon suit. I also wear a lot of my mom’s old clothes. Like cardigans. Mr. Rogers style. I’m really fortunate, because I tell her that I don’t need all these clothes, but she says, “No, you should have them.” And in two years of college I have yet to do laundry.
Q: Are you serious?
A: Yah. She buys me way too many pairs of underwear.
Q: Do these old clothes go away? The ones that you don’t wash?
A: The underwear’s under my bed…along with the boogie man.
Q: I’m creepy, and I saw on your Facebook profile that your 21st birthday is in almost exactly three months. Any big plans?
A: I feel like 18’s a bigger deal. You’re more past-puberty and starting to get older. When you’re 21 all you can do is go to the liquor store, whereas when you’re 18 you can go get tobacco, lottery tickets, and porn. And you can vote! I mean, I have been using alcohol as a social lubricant since I was circumcised. Its ability to relieve the tension of any situation is unparalleled by any other abuse-able substance, so the only thing that 21 brings is the legal ability to purchase a firearm…something I’ve been wanting to do since I met Mike Walker [’08].
Q: Also on your Facebook profile, I see that you list “RoboCop” as your favorite movie. If you were half-man/half-machine, what superhuman ability would you like to have most?
A: I would save the world, and I would be able to fuck for more than 30 seconds. But RoboCop has no emotions. That’s what I would want! I would want my emotions back.
Q: But they’d get in the way.
A: Not when you have that strength. I mean, I’m already an asshole. I think I could deal with it.
Q: Would you define your sense of humor as cynical?
A: Yes. It’s actually very Larry David-esque, so people who enjoy “Curb [Your Enthusiasm]” like it. They can laugh along. I’ve been known to get “on fire” sometimes. Like, NBA Jam’s “on fire,” where you can’t miss.
Q: What do you want to be if you grow up?
A: If I ever grow up, I think that I would like to be Vice President, no, President of the PTA.
Q: In Westchester?
A: No, I don’t really want to live there. I went to Spain for three weeks in August, and como se dice? Best time of my life. I can’t study abroad because of the [hockey] season, but I thought about doing a summer program with no scholastic activity where I just get a job over there.
Q: Do you think you have a reputation at Wesleyan?
A: We had an Around the World at DKE last week, and I gave this girl a lovely red Solo cup of cranberry vodka. And one of my friends told me that one of her friends found out where she got the drink and said, “Oh, you don’t wanna drink that. Kid’s a creep.” And she threw it out. I find it kinda funny, but at the same time hurtful.
Q: Why do you think we picked you to be WesCeleb?
A: Because I won’t be able to read the stuff you print about me, because I’m a dumb idiot.
Q: You’re not an idiot. What’s your forte?
A: I’m an English major. I write a lot. I had a Molskine in Spain, and I’d just write in it every day for an hour and a half. I actually read Orwell for the first time the other day, and I really liked it. Stylistically it’s very concise, but at the same time it’s like you’re there. In general, I don’t consider myself a student-athlete, but an athletic student… partially because I don’t care very much for the hyphen.
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