Dearest Argus Readers,
We bet you didn’t expect another word from us before winter break—surprise! Famously, some majors carry specific stereotypes when it comes to dating. Luckily, we, Birdy and Bea, are here to help navigate these ambiguous and sometimes strange waters, especially if you’re planning on spitting some serious game next semester in hopes of gaining a boo thang.
We’ve been making a list and checking it twice…. There are many that are naughty and some that are nice….
With that being said, please allow us to present our COMPLETELY UNBIASED AND ACCURATE ranking of the best and worst Wesleyan majors to go out with.
Best
10. German Studies – Wait, do people actually study this? Idk they’re probably chillers.
9. Computer Science – Listen, in every other university there are certain smelly stereotypes associated with CS majors, but I think things are different at Wesleyan—I like to imagine that everyone showers here.
8. Art History – I feel like the dedication to memorizing artworks will translate to dedication for other things—such as relationships.
7. American Studies – Don’t have much to say except that I think that people in this major are pretty cool.
6. English – May be a controversial placement. Half the major is filled with pretentious, Foucault-spitting hipsters while the other half is lowkey chill. Might make you read their notes app poetry though.
5. Astronomy – You will be the star at the center of their world!
4. Anthropology – Everyone I surveyed for this article thinks that Anthro majors would be good people to date.
3. Earth and Environmental Sciences – I feel like caring for the environment is a HUGE green flag. Since you are a person who exists in an environment, they will probably care about you too.
2. Philosophy – “The Ego Trick”? No. These people are “The Sovereignty of Good.” And I think they’re great conversationalists too. And pretty. And smart. And caring. I could just go on and on!
1. Sociology – This major is literally about understanding social behavior and relationships. And not in a psycho-analyzing way like Psychology majors. People-focused major, people that will focus on people. A good thing!
Worst
10. College of Social Studies – For some reason, people in CSS are always trying to convince me to join the major, so the fear is that if you were to date them, they would spend a majority of the time trying to get you to join it too.
9. History – BORING.
8. Religion – I feel like this is self-explanatory.
7. French – It’s like the people in this major take on the personality of actual French people and somehow become an ostentatious baguette-eating, beret-wearing crowd.
6. Government – Every guy who majors in government wants to run for office and become a senator or something. Guys! There’s only 100 seats! You can’t all be senators! Non-men in this major are pretty nice though.
5. Physics – I was asked to put this here by a friend.
4. Economics – Blah blah blah consulting blah blah blah numbers blah blah blah investments. They will spend more time watching the stock market than actually spending time with you.
3. Theater – Why is there ALWAYS drama (get it?) in the theater department? So much major incest, otherwise known as major-cest.
2. Film – I don’t think I’ve ever met an unpretentious film major. Almost always guaranteed to act weird towards you and your friends. Unfortunately, on this campus, they are inescapable.
1. Art Studio – “Eugene Onegin” type figures. Don’t know what they want—just like in their career path. Will do more for their art than they will for your relationship. Just because the art is avant-garde (or whatever) doesn’t mean it’s good!
Well, that about wraps it up! All in good fun. If you don’t resonate with this list, remember: There are always exceptions to the rule. And if you find this list a little too relatable…maybe it’s time to consider some self-reflection. We hope you all have a well-deserved, restful, hopefully sexually-fulfilling break, and you will hear from us again soon!
Ho, ho, hoe and happy holidays,
Birdy & Bea
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