As Ben Franklin once said, nothing is certain in life but death, taxes and scores of girls sporting sweats, Uggs and huge bottles of water to their Friday morning classes. Hangovers are a persistent and uncomfortable part of collegiate life. It wouldn’t be a weekend at Wesleyan if you or someone you know weren’t complaining about one. It’s a familiar feeling: the headache, the nausea, the dry mouth and the sensitivity to light and sound. Here are some hangover remedies with a Wesleyan flair:
Brunch at The Gatekeeper
Hefty portions of heavy food are a go-to for many recovering students. The recently reopened O’Rourke’s is Middletown’s default destination for a hangover brunch, but one shouldn’t overlook the gastronomical delights of The Gatekeeper. This bar, a favorite among Wesleyan students, offers a small but satisfying list of brunch options. The food elicits strong opinions from Gatekeeper patrons—particularly those huddled at the end of the bar at noon on a Sunday.
One shouldn’t be surprised to hear at least several shouts of “Fuck O’Rourke’s!” upon ordering. Indeed, The Gatekeeper is a cheaper, faster and decidedly less well-lit alternative to the popular Irish diner down Main Street. Its dark setting is perfect for the light-sensitive lush. Vegans beware, though: fruit salads and yogurt are nowhere to be found on the chalkboard menu near the pool table. Steak and eggs, bacon and eggs and sausage and eggs are among the choices. Those intrepid souls willing to try something new (or to not make a bowel movement for three weeks) should check out the biscuits and gravy with eggs.
Go For a Swim
Though not as scientifically credible as a hefty dose of B12 or a couple of Advils, a swim can be a brisk and refreshing way to shake off the previous night. Many students take full advantage of Miller’s Pond during the warmer months of the year.
Very few students, however, realize that they can continue to work their sea legs when the weather gets cold by going for a dip in Wesleyan’s own natatorium. Located in the Freeman Athletic Center, the facility sports an impressive number of lanes with flexible operating hours. It’s good not only for getting over the last bar night, but also for reducing that beer belly that you’ve been working on.
Walk of Shame
Believe it or not, the combination of heightened mental alertness coupled with the aerobics of surreptitiously putting your clothes on may actually speed up your recovery—or so says the Internet. You see, the flurry of mental activity which occurs as you take stock of where you are and who is lying next to you helps to warm up the brain and get your senses back faster.
Similarly, some yoga experts insist that exercises like the ’seated twist’ can help squeeze those toxins through the liver and kidneys and thus expedite their expulsion from your body. Following this logic, the twists and turns involved in dislodging your underwear from under someone’s thigh without waking them up can only serve to minimize your hangover, right? And hey, the fresh air will do you good.
Ok, it’s a little far-fetched, but you’re going to have to spin it to your friends somehow. So this Sunday, wake up, roll over and let the healing begin.
Don’t Drink
That’s right, you effing loser! Don’t drink! Sure, the urge to prove to your hallmates in Clark that you can hold your own on a Saturday night is a strong one. Yes, you’ve been gradually building up an epic “beeramid” as you plow through 30 racks of Natty Light and Beast. No doubt you think it will be easier to talk to that cute girl from Olin with the aid of fermented social lubricants. Woo! No parents! No responsibility! We get it.
But this Saturday, why not do your frontal lobe a favor and lay off the sauce? When you get down to the science of it, taking a weekend or two off from drinking doesn’t seem like that bad of an idea. You see, a hangover is simply the body’s reaction to the dehydration, low blood sugar and low vitamin B12 levels that accompany an overdose of alcohol or other drugs. The dehydration causes your brain to shrink ever so slightly, the increased NADH from the ethanol in alcohol wreaks havoc on your liver and you can probably guess why you forgot all those SAT words. Go straight edge this weekend. Maybe you’ll remember how to do long division.
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