Computers are taking over the world. We all know it, and truth be told, we all kind of like it. “Beowulf” is perhaps humankind’s newest reminder that we are quickly being overtaken by something that can make 40 trillion calculations in a nanosecond. First off, if you are going to see this movie, see it in 3D. The extra three dollars isn’t going to break the bank, but it might just blow your mind. Trust me on this one.
Directed by Robert Zemeckis (the “Back to the Future” series, “Who Framed Roger Rabbit,” “Forest Gump”), “Beowulf” is from the same 3D powerhouse that brought out 2004’s “Polar Express.” But where that film falls short with poor renderings of digital Tom Hanks pedophilia, “Beowulf” creates a believable, bloody, digital world of heroes, monsters, and Angelina Jolie.
Initially photographed in real life, then processed through motion rendering, the film plays unlike any computer-generated image (CGI) before it. Yeah, “Toy Story” was sweet. So what? “Beowulf” is something completely new. Not only does the animation come frighteningly close to reality, but the 3D technology offers the entire story in a three-dimensional world—versus the awesomely bad 3D technology of the 80s and 90s, where every ten minutes or so something would pop off the screen. The result is that the viewer is, perhaps for the first time in cinema history, completely within the movie. Yes, it’s computer graphics, so no, it’s not perfect. The film still requires a certain degree of suspension of disbelief, but this is the closest anyone has come to making a “world” as opposed to a movie.
And as far as the story goes? Mary Longley ’10 perhaps put it best when she said, “’Beowulf’ is literally the best part of my life to date. I know that there is, like, AIDS and shit all over the world, but right now I honestly don’t care. That movie just rocks so hard, it really makes up for all that, like, bad stuff.”
While the film may not actually make up for any of the horrible aspects of life on this planet, it certainly gives it a shot. As you may have guessed, the film centers around legendary hero Beowulf (Ray Winstone). He is summoned to defeat the hideous monster Grendel, who is plaguing King Hrothgar’s new mead hall because the noise from the orgiastic keggers hurt the monster’s deformed ears. After defeating Grendel, Beowulf is then charged with a much more dangerous, and titillating, mission: to kill Grendel’s mother, played by Angelina Jolie.
It is here that the film takes an interesting turn and ventures away from the spectacle and mindlessness that it could have easily gotten bogged down in. Instead of killing the demon, Beowulf decides to have sex with it in exchange for kingship and immortality (in the form of the greatest story ever told). Indeed, upon returning from his mission, proclaiming the beast killed, Beowulf is made king and begins his long lasting rule.
But his past does indeed catch up to him. Eventually, his kingdom is attacked by a dragon, born of Beowulf’s unholy coupling with the demon broad. Knowing that he brought the beast upon his people, Beowulf must strap up one last time to vanquish the killer. Proving that he has lost none of his heroics due to old age, Beowulf catches the dragon in midair only to be dragged along on an aerobatics routine that would make even Iceman feel like a wuss. This sequence is particularly standout because of the enormous freedoms granted to filmmakers who aren’t using a camera. As a result, the CGI is stunning and the audience is taken on an aerofight sequence that is definitely worth a good portion of the admission price.
Should it win an Oscar? Hell no. Should you see it? Hell yes. “Beowulf” was one of the first movies I’ve seen in a while that showed me something completely new. The technological aspects alone make it worth seeing, but don’t let that fool you into thinking that the story is worthless. Written by Neil Gamen and Roger Avery, this is definitely one of the better scripts to be produced recently, and two hours of badass Viking violence interspersed with ridiculous CGI sex is never a bad thing. This one is pretty damn rock and roll, even for a cartoon.
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