B LEAGUE BASKETBALL
In a rematch of the final regular season game that saw Tha Tanks defeat O’Jacks by a 30-25 score, the O’Jacks got some revenge over the weekend in the B League Finals. The O’Jacks, consisting of several DKE members, used their cool and tempered nature to wrestle away the B League Championship. Despite a late run by Tha Tanks, the O’Jacks ran away with the victory, 44-38.
“The O’Jacks were really down to earth guys,” said Tha Tanks’ Tom Bendon ’07. “If we’re going to lose to anyone, we’d want to lose to someone as down to earth and as classy as the O-Jacks. What classy individuals.”
Hooter Glidden ’07 got hot down the stretch for Tha Tanks, but it was a little too late. Fortunately for those in attendance, though, Bendon took off his shirt for the last few minutes so everyone could see his massive upper body in comparison to his miniscule calves.
“Sam Astor didn’t see a lot of the game because Sam Astor was reading the newspaper with Julian on the sideline,” said Sam Astor ’07, the Shawn Green of Tha Tanks. “But when Sam Astor got in there, Sam Astor brought the pain. And threw the ball out of bounds a few times.”
C LEAGUE BASKETBALL
As defending C League Champions, the Vlad Squad fell to a superior High Street Squad by a 40-31 margin. While the Vlad Squad tried to distract their opponents from Psi U with shiny yellow shirts that resembled ugly New York taxi cabs, the inside domination by the big men of High Street turned the tides against many members of the track team. With skinny and wiry body-types, the bigger and stronger members of Psi U were too much for the men in yellow to handle.
“The track guys seemed to be really confused during the game,” said senior High Street player Vijay Chaudhuri ’07. “They seemed really freaking confused because they weren’t running around in circles. That’s what they do in track, don’t they? Who knows? It’s funny, because at one point during the game, all of their guys stopped and started running sprints around the court. At which point I singled out Mike Brady ’07 during the sprints and proceeded to body slam him to the floor. He promised to show up for the game, but I didn’t see him on the court.”
Also noticeably absent at the end of the game was the obnoxious hooting and hollering of the bench of the track team, who was utterly silent at the end of the game, for some reason.
A LEAGUE BASKETBALL
This past Sunday, the A-league Intramural Basketball Championship culminated in the Varsity Gym of the Freeman Athletic Center. Two intramural-sporting juggernauts: the Teletubbies (6-1) and Fine Fettle (5-1) squared off in one of the most heated events in recent intramural history.
Following a nail-bitingly close game to kickoff the season, in which the Teletubbies fell to Fine Fettle by a single point, both teams put together impressive win streaks. Over the course of the season both teams were rarely challenged. The Tubbies maintained an average margin of victory of over 10 points per game while the thrill-seeking Fettle maintained a margin of victory of just over 6 points per game.
The stage was set and everything seemed to congeal into a singular moment. In that split-second just before tip-off a surge of electric anticipation filled the gym that conjured images of Kinsasha, Zaire in 1974 and Ali’s epic Rumble in the Jungle.
The Fettle started off well. Hot from the field, the Fettle benefited from the short collegiate three-point line.
“They shot really well to open the game,” said Noah Hutton. “We were able to buckle down though and really ‘D-that-three,’ if you will.”
Down 12 at one time, the Tubbies looked like they were in trouble. Not disheartened by the hot hands of the Fettle, however, the Tubbies rallied at half time and came out strong in the second half. Mike Roman ’09 locked down one of the key offensive threats Josh Hartz ’07, and Wes Moss ’09 did an epic job of containing the wild-eyed strength and court vision of Ross Pemmerl ’08. The Tubbies started to put together a run, catching up with the Fettle just a few minutes into the second half. The Tubbies’ defense really took over: limiting the Fettle to a meager 12.8 percent from the field in the second half and forcing 43 turnovers.
“They really dug their heels in and stopped us from scoring in the second half,” said Alex Diamond ’08, a member of the Fettle. “In truth we were outmatched in pretty much ever way: physically, epistemologically, sexually. I know for fact I personally need to start getting to the gym more if there’s any hope for next year.”
The Tubbies pulled out the victory, winning by the score of 39 to 29 and the statistically appropriate margin of 10 points. Matt Diaz ’09 scored a lefty lay-up in the closing seconds of the game, conjuring memories of Jordan’s “The Shot” in 1998, which beat the Jazz for Jordan’s sixth and final title. A key difference though: the Tubbies are still promising more.
“I’ve got a lot of respect for everyone we played against, just more for myself and my teammates,” said Lightning Jay ’09. “It’s nice knowing that by the time I graduate I’ll have three victory mugs. This is just the beginning. I know who’s out there, but the Teletubbies haven’t even broken a sweat yet. You have no concept of what we are capable of.”
DODGEBALL
Down 0-2, the Ohio Steamers mounted a valiant comeback against Team Balls. With the 3-2 victory, the Steamers showed that resiliency and veteran leadership does in fact play a large role in intramural dodgeball. The Ohio Steamers, led by captain Hooter Glidden ’07, made sure that the Steamers hit the Balls where it hurt.
You think the young guns would be good, but the wily veterans were quick and nimble and got the one that counted. By the way, where was Ashenfelter in the finals?
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