Fresh from fall break and the ‘rents are in town. Homecoming/Family Weekend is all about the good eats, so let us help you interpret what your trip to your favorite restaurant might mean.
Haveli – Proves you’ve broadened your cultural horizons in an extremely bourgeoisie fashion. Bonus points for the converted tavern meets solid Indian restaurant kitsch factor. We know you promised to order for your somewhat overwhelmed parents, “we’ll all have Chicken Tikka Masala and Garlic Naan, please.”
It’s Only Natural – Those sweet childhood days of chicken nuggets and cheeseburgers are gone. You’ve come to college and you’re a vegetarian now. The sweet potato fries will surely make up for whatever tofu sandwich you’ve recommended. Just try the soy cheese, please, Dad?
Athenian – Mirrored walls and purple upholstery are much less appealing while sober. You’re bound to have a difficult time explaining the difference between the omelet on your mother’s plate and the totally amazing one you had last weekend at 3 am.
Forbidden City – Is this Bel Aire? Your parents just might buy the Middletown revitalization line after all. Plus, maybe you can wash down gussied-up General Tso’s with a lychee martini. Anything is better than the Dubra you’ve been choking down all semester.
Red & Black – Your mom has been dying to buy a Wesleyan Mom t-shirt since move-in day. This weekend, she’ll succeed and you’ll drown your shame in a delicious panini. We agree, for more than eight dollars, the pesto should be garden fresh, but you’ll take what you can get – you should be focusing on praying that your mother never wears her WesMom gear when you’re present.
Pho Mai – Good noodles, refreshing lack of ambiance. And some street cred for taking your parents to the North End.
Amici’s – The favorite Middletown Italian Restaurant of local sportscasters and talk show hosts alike! Take your parents here to prove you haven’t broadened your cultural horizons since coming to Wes and that you’re sticking to comfort food.
Mikado – Slouch in the corner, eat your sushi, keep quiet, and maybe the waitress won’t recognize you as the self-proclaimed sake-bombing CHAMP of the WORLD from three nights ago.
Mocon – Your parents will be less likely to believe complaints about food after having sampled a typical Mocon dinner—quail stuffed with Black Mission figs in a port wine-truffle reduction and chocolate-anise crème brulée. Yeah, right. You will be creeped out by the cellophane decorations which render the interior even more like the climactic scene of “She’s All That” were it staged on a space-porn movie set. Also, twenty bucks for Mocon? For serious?
Thai Gardens – Wow! This restaurant was reviewed by the New York Times! And you’ve only been here five hundred times since coming to Wesleyan! Eat the black olive rice! So salty and good!
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