I’m glad you’re still reading even though this Wespeak has “hegemony” in the title. I only used the word because recently, today in fact, I found out what exactly it meant, thanks to our own COL professor Professor Khachig Tololyan. Otherwise, my only contact with it was that Peter proclaims himself Hegemon at the end of “Ender’s Game.” Respect. I digress. Hegemony refers to an authority’s harnessing of cultural and artistic channels for the distribution of an ideology sympathetic to itself. But I was talking about GRAFFITI.
Naturally, most of you are unaware of the significant structural and engineering problems created by the application of spray paint to concrete, especially underground. I forgive you. You don’t have my background in construction. But let’s leave boss pillow forts aside for a second and get down to brass tacks. Spray paint weakens cement. Fact. Talk to any professor on this campus and you will receive confirmation of this. So I don’t want to hear any of you stupid hippies whining about, “oh, the artwork in the tunnels was completely benign and causing no problems whatsoever.” Well, I’m here to tell you: IT WASN’T. So if you really can look within your heart of hearts and say, “gee, what I’d love to see is a MAJOR DISASTER in an EXTREMELY HIGH TRAFFIC AREA,” then go ahead. Be my guest. Frankly, I like it better down there now anyway. My favorite thing about the new tunnels is how the black and white stay on their own sides of the wall. It’s so much easier, when I go down there to study all the time, not to worry about any clashing patterns or, God forbid, Personal Gang-Style Graffiti Tags. With such few distractions, and no Tags to make me fear for my safety, I can really crack a book and get things done. I personally would motion for the introduction of tour groups to the New Tunnels, just so they can marvel at what a tight ship we’re running here!
So, sailors, lets haul on our sheets/halyards and keep Wesleyan running great. And while we’re at it, let’s take our hats off to the fine men and women in North College who saved us from dangerous colors and collapsing tunnels. Although, frankly, I would have preferred a nice beige down there.
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