Slightly temperamental but mostly gorgeous weather, daffodils, a nice lawnmower soundtrack to classes held in Fisk, PAC, and Judd between the hours of 9 and 2 p.m., a noticeable increase of racket-toting recreational athletes, an influx of iced coffee specialties at Pi, a seemingly endless supply of carelessly littered garbage on Foss Hill, and a soon-to-be graduating class whose relief and anxiety lie somewhere at the bottom of their twelfth beer by 4 p.m. on most afternoons…sound like a typical late spring at Wesleyan? Well, yes. But I have failed to mention perhaps one of the most defining aspects of this special, special time of year. It is something we all lovingly refer to as Spring Fever.
The culmination of this all-consuming hedonism arrives somewhere between the blurry nights and the hazy days of Senior Week, but, my friends, as you probably don’t need me to tell you, it is not too early to start planning your seduction and/or subversion tactics. I’m no Jenna Jameson, but over the past three years in our wonderful undergraduate bubble, I’ve certainly heard and experienced my fair share of Fever successes, humorous mishaps, and then, of course, serious faux pas. The following are just a few things we should all consider…
1) When an attractive, intelligent, fun girl sends you a text message with an equation even your curiously-alluring 10th grade math teacher couldn’t top (something to the effect of “you + my bed =”), you turn off the episode of “Family Guy” you’ve already seen five times and get your ass over there.
2) When you desperately want to get out of an uncomfortable being-strongly-pursued situation, have one of your female friends answer your phone the next time she calls–she can lustily say that you’re not available, but she’d gladly take a message. The girl will get the hint, and you might come out looking like you have the emotional maturity of a 5-year-old, but hey, it’ll do the job, right?
3) Eye contact. It never gets old.
4) Dancing is and always will be hot. Hotter than Low Rise’s asphalt courtyard, in fact.
5) Apparently coffee is the new lunch. I’m not sure I understand it, but anything’s less awkward than lunch, so go for it.
6) McCreepy’s stalking you at a party? Grab your beautiful freshmen-year hallmate and pretend to make out with hir. It should be pretty effective.
7) Indian Hill Cemetery. No necrophiliacs, please, it’ll ruin the mood for the rest of us.
8) The Red & Black weekend morning breakfast with your newest friend is mortifying. Especially when you recognize everyone else. And they recognize you. Wearing the same clothing as you were the previous night.
9) Gum. But don’t sit in it at a WestCo Café event.
10) Go to Spring Fling. Not only because we’ve heard of the headlining act, but because excessive public inebriation + Foss Hill + an almost-as-large turn out as 4-20 = a good time you won’t remember.
This list could continue for pages, but the over-caffeinated editors probably wouldn’t be too pleased, so I’ll leave the rest for you and your friends to mull over during the ever-popular Sunday afternoon updates. Don’t you love those? I believe that the red-faced dishing session may be the single most important thing we should all keep in mind during these Fever-charged weeks. Especially since the rest of us are sitting here reading/writing Wespeaks and someone needs to be gathering fodder for next year’s column. Take one for the team. Own the Fever—there will be plenty of Advil around this summer.
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