Discussion at Wesleyan about sexual violence is misguided. Laurie Paul’s WeSpeak “Men Should Take Back the Night Too,” quotations from the Argus article “Students Take Back the Night,” and the “women-only” circle have highlighted this. There is an assumption that women are the victims and men are the perpetrators. Because of this, it is Wesleyan men’s duty to ally with women in the fight against sexual violence to end the harmful notion that it is only a women’s responsibility to protect her body and stop sexual violence. Laurie Paul importantly acknowledges that the majority of sexual violence is committed by men against women. However, this is not a reason to frame discourse around female victims, because doing so only further isolates male victims of sexual abuse, who are already isolated due to the nature of the crime. This assumption also condones female sexual abusers. So as easy as it might be to call upon men to join “Take Back the Night” in support of women, failing to acknowledge a more complicated picture alienates victims and actually perpetuates sexual violence.
Heterosexism is another problem with framing the discourse around the idea of women as victims and men as perpetrators. Queer people are often kept from expressing their gender and sexuality for fear of physical and sexual violence, and prevented from traveling to certain areas, and at certain times of the night. Queer men, in particular, have been labeled as sexual predators, preventing many from entering certain professions, like teaching. Sexual violence is even institutionalized against poor men and men of color in prisons across America. But unfortunately all these experiences do not fit in to the notion that men should, as Laurie put it, “organize themselves to make a stand against [sexual] violence as a mark of solidarity with women and other people.” I do not feel like being an “other.”
But most importantly, no matter how much we talk about the larger politics of sexual violence, I think it is critical to realize that the stories we heard on Thursday night were those of people, not political causes. Yes, at “Take Back the Night” it is imperative to be aware of the political circumstance in which sexual violence occurs. But, at least for me, the primary purpose of attending is personal: to hear to stories of victims and overcome the isolation engendered by sexual violence, and to listen to those stories publicly and reduce their stigma. “Take Back the Night” is not the time to make a political statement by showing up, it is not a place to see and be seen. It is a moment to acknowledge the deep pain, guilt and isolation that all victims of sexual violence experience.
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