Springtime is here. That’s great. However, not great: sandals. Oh my god. So many sandals. So many different kinds. So many disgusting little toes. Ewwwww. Look, I know that it is getting warm and that we all want to feel the sunshine on our skin, but could we feel it somewhere that is not our feet? Feet are the most hideous of human features, and I sincerely hope that they are on their way out through evolution or something. Here are some suggestions and comments I have on this sandal seduction problem we’re having:
– There are lots of alternatives to sandals when it comes to keeping cool. We can wear tank tops, we can wear shorts, and we can even wear bathing suits! That’s all fine so long as we wear nice socks and sneakers or boots.
– Because there are so many different types of sandals people get the illusion that they are somehow expressing themselves through their toe exposure. However, you are actually all the same because you are all showing me your toes.
– The most evil of sandals, by far, are definitely flip-flops. This does not make you different from the rest, just worse.
– Just because Jesus and Moses wore sandals, doesn’t mean you have to. There are other ways to be a good Judeo-Christian. Go to church/synagogue, but go in your closed-toed shoes.
– Sandals make you drag your feet. This increases your chances of falling by 78% and it increases your chances of looking like a d-bag by 99.9%.
– There is no one, NO ONE who looks okay in sandals. Feet are no one’s best feature, no matter how grotesquely malformed they are.
What happened to college? This used to be a learning institution, now it’s a sandal parade. Yuck.
Leave a Reply