Members of the WESU executive board are expected to announce this Sunday their decision to replace current General Manager Benjamin Michael with Mr. T.
This sort of action would, according to the WESU Constitution, normally call for a vote from the body of DJs in good standing, along with discussions with liaisons at the University, but according to a source close to the station, this was an issue of unusual weight and urgency.
Argus Arts has learned that the search for a new General Manager has been going on since well before the new year, and that a thorough, but hush-hush national search was conducted to find the best candidates.
“It’s been a matter of importance for some time now,” said current WESU President, Evan Simko-Bednarski ’07, “Ever since Ben took over we’ve been looking for someone new. I mean, who wants a General Manager who is responsible, consistent, friendly, professional, and who has a long history of experience at the station? Boring! We wanted to find someone with more pizzazz than that. Someone who would shake things up!”
Starting after winter break, Simko-Bednarski and the rest of the WESU executive board met with the most qualified candidates in secret meetings at the station.
“It was a tough process. There were more than fifty applicants,” reported WESU Program Director Julia Simpson ’06, “but we finally chose the best. His name is Lawrence Tureaud.”
The chosen applicant, better known to the public as Mr. T, is scheduled to begin work this fall.
“We’re really excited to have him on board,” Simpson said, “We interviewed a lot of other really great applicants: Carrot Top, Chris Rock—basically anyone who ever shilled for 1-800-COLLECT—but he was definitely the best. Why have a General Manager who is knowledgeable about music and the industry when you can have the guy who provided additional voices for the ”Eek! The Cat!“ cartoon?”
“Besides, did you know that he was Hulk Hogan’s tag team partner in Wrestlemania 2?” added Andrea Silenzi ’07, Editor-in-Chief of WESU magazine, who says she was the swing vote in the decision of hiring Mr. T over that guy who says “Can you hear me now?” in Verizon commercials. “Isn’t that badass?”
When contacted for comment Michael seemed disappointed but gracious. “WESU has been a part of my life for a long time now, and I know everyone says I’ve been doing a great job as General Manager, but Mr. T has that weird half-Afro fauxhawk and big gold earrings, while I, let’s face it, have pretty normal hair and was never a part of the A-team. I mean, really, I wouldn’t choose me, either!”
After the announcement at the meeting this Sunday, the board is also expected to unveil a new station motto to accompany the new management. The new General Manager will be on hand to present the new motto, which is “I Pity The Fool Who Doesn’t Listen to WESU!”
(Oh, come on. You knew that was coming sometime.)
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