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You said you wanted offensive

Dear Ms. LeBlanc and Ms. Schwartz,

You girls make lovely points. I look forward each week to reading your Wespeaks; you get so adorably feisty. I hope you don’t find it off-putting when I say that I like to imagine both of you sitting down to pen your cute remarks. I imagine one of you calling ITS to get help starting the computer while the other one finishes up making a tray of her favorite Double Chunk Chocolate Chip Cookies. Then you’re all business as you type away, carefully pressing each key as not to risk nail injury. As you both come up with ideas for what to write, every so often you’ll both turn to each other and say THE EXACT SAME THING! Then you giggle and take a cookie break and maybe make out a little bit.

You girls are very smart, which is great! But remember that brains aren’t everything. I read somewhere that thinking too hard is bad for the complexion, so be careful.

But I definitely agree with you about the value of fraternities. I’m from a small, conservative town. People there are judgmental and small-minded; they don’t understand the desire to be surrounded all the time by fit, muscular men. They don’t understand why one would partake in activities involving male nudity, homoeroticism, and even occasional sadomasochism. They don’t understand the joys of adjusting your position to hide your erection as you watch young, virile “pledges” debase themselves. They don’t understand what a sanctuary a frat can be: a place for a man’s man.

To everyone who has been criticizing frats, remember: there is a frat brother inside of each of us. Because they don’t take “no” for an answer.

Also, let’s not put down this “Birth of a Nation”/Klan party idea so quickly. How else are some of us going to get chicks under the sheets?

Girls, keep up the good work. Your arguments that “it’s okay to be offensive sometimes” and that “you don’t have to please everyone” are well taken.

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