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Laundry machines declared racist

A new student group is taking a stand against segregation on campus. Students Against Segregated Services (SASS), is collecting signatures and organizing a march to protest what they claim as racism in the Wesleyan laundry facilities.

“I mean, it’s ridiculous, in 2005, for a university to have separate buttons for whites and colors on their washing machines,” said Renee Oxfam ’09, co-founder of SASS.

The group is demanding the school convert to color-blind machines immediately, and submitted a formal proposal to President Doug Bennet last week.

“What the hell is this?” said University Overseer of Laundry Machines Stephen Mack, upon seeing the proposal.

Fearing bad press, University administrators have put together a hasty counter-proposal.

“We plan to buy seven color-blind machines a year over the next 17 years, eventually phasing out segregated laundry altogether,” said Director of Service Services Donna Cristy. “Students do need to understand this will be a gradual process. We simply don’t have a large enough endowment at the moment to make a full commitment to color-blind laundry.”

SASS is not satisfied with the University’s decision, and plans to continue fighting for full desegregation. Members of SASS can be seen walking around campus with stained and discolored clothes, a symbol, they say, of their struggle.

“I wash my colors in the whites cycle, dude. People who wash their whites in the whites cycle are no better than Klan members,” said Erick Shin ’07, whose Eddie Bauer sweatshirt was a progressive mix of brown, pink, and what looked like a Walkman concert decal. “We’re trying to take this school in a new direction.”

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