Dear Mr. Saranow,
I think we misunderstand each other. I felt shitty that I couldn’t get you in to the party for free, but I put my faith in your resourcefulness, that you, like so many others, would find a cleverer way into the party than to scale the fire escape in front of a cop.
Additionally, the University requires us to have cops at our party. Two cops. We have to pay for one of them. I am actually not sure why we had so many more than that, nor am I completely convinced that there is a legitimate reason for so many administrators to be present, other than to ensure that things don’t get out of control. There is not really a precedent for there to be so many non-students officiating the party, except for trusty Dave Meyer, who has apparently always attends.
Let me relate to you a little story about our parties and the fuzz: We charge money for the party so we can rent sound equipment, and with the little bit left over help put on shows like the Wrens. Now, if I’m not mistaken, I have seen many students shell out ten times the amount we charge for the parties for drugs, or for the silly boots and plants that they sell in front of the campus center at lunchtime. And yet, somehow, asking three dollars for admittance to this party seems to arouse the ire of the entire campus. This and the fact that the capacity for our house as we and the Administration understand it, is 299 persons. The problem, which I am sure you are aware of, is the fact that there are considerably more people who would like to come to the party than there are spaces for people.
On Saturday, a group of males assaulted a female event staff officer who tried to keep them from entering the basement of the house without wristbands. Three people were taken away by the EMTs for being intoxicated. One girl tried to cut through the damn screen to the kitchen windows with her keys. If I had five cents for every time someone called me a bitch or sloshed alcohol all over me at one of these parties, I could probably get a family sized bag of Doritos.
In the official account, perhaps it will be shown that the cops who arrested your friend, who I am also acquainted with and who is a pretty nice dude, were feeling a bit peevish on account of one student. This student, I hear was refused entrance to the party because he was wearing a broken wristband and claimed that the cops were being racist and that his daddy was a senator.
I finally have two things to say: First, we are equal-opportunity assholes. We are not going to let you get into the party, (if we can help it) if you did not pay for it. It does not matter if you are black, white, fat, exceedingly short, or have a visibly contagious disease. Second: Do not assume that I am disappointed in the way Saturday night turned out when you were so drunk that you probably made a fool of yourself. Assholes who keep trying to get into a party that they think is so “disappointing” are the ones whoforce us to have cops in the first place.
Sincerely,
Laura Nahmias
Vice President Eclectic Society.
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