Turn on your TV sets, Wesleyan, because Jim Richton ’04 is scheduled to appear on this season of America’s Most Wanted, premiering Thursday. Besides being an active member of the queer community at Wesleyan, Richton was a sociology major. His senior thesis on improving the education system in postwar Iraq received high honors. Who would have thought that this star pupil’s true aspirations were to capture the hearts of millions of Americans and keep them in jars in his basement?
The producers of America’s Most Wanted sure thought so. His most recent crime, dubbed “The Gap girl Massacre” by the media, really caught their eye.
“I definitely think that my college education, particularly from a school like Wesleyan, will give me a distinct advantage over the uneducated police officers who will be chasing me,” Richton said in an exclusive phone interview from an undisclosed location.
Commonly referred to as the Dainty Destroyer, Richton is proud to be representing the gay criminal community.
“There aren’t enough out serial killers at large,” he said. “And my combination murder/makeovers are forcing people to realize that gay people can be inhuman, too. Which is nice.”
Jim has rallied the support of the Wesleyan student body by fucking the binary as well as a few of the corpses once buried in the cemetery next to WestCo 4.
“As a Wesleyan student, I’m really glad to see that Jim has managed to stay both out of jail and out of the closet,” said Jesse Young ’06.
A screening has been scheduled for 9 pm at Open House with a “Forties and Fugitives” themed after-party.
Leave a Reply