N.W.A. To Teach ’’Drive-By 101: Lightin’ Muthafuckas Up’’

In a growing effort by the Wesleyan University administration to strengthen the increasingly symbiotic relationship between the Middletown and Wesleyan communities, and in light of the recent vehicular-conducted expulsion of bullets on Broad Street, President Douglas J. Bennet has recruited the colorful cast of characters that made up the salty sextet of rabble-rousing rappers known as N.W.A. to teach “Drive-By 101: Lightin’ Muthafuckas Up” for the spring semester. “The rift between Wesleyan and Middletown is evident in numerous areas: among them Thai food eateries, homeless people, and namely, mothafuckas getting capped,” commented President Bennett. “If we, the administration, are truly committed to preparing our erudite scholars for adulthood, it is paramount that we begin to acculturate students to the perils of the real world. Meaning, bitches who be talkin’ shit gon’ be getting lit up like muthafucking Christmas trees, ya heard dirty!” explained Bennett.

The five surviving members of N.W.A., Dr. Dre, Ice Cube, Snoop Dogg, MC Ren, and DJ Yella, seemed ecstatic about their new pedagogic positions. “It’ll be splendid to have something to do before production of Are We There Yet 2: Yo, Seriously Cube, When the Fuck are We Getting There?” remarked Professor Cube. When asked for comment, Professor Dogg replied, “the students of Wesleyan are truly sheltered in a veritable bubble of impractically liberalist ideals and naïve delusions about the tumultuous world around them. Such a course will provide them with an opportunity to feel the crippling pressures of urban reality that many of today’s impoverished youth must deal with. [Awkward pause] I mean… I am soooo muthafucking high…-izzle. There gon be titties? I mean some big ass titties. I best be seein’ some tittizzles fo shizzles.”

The highly anticipated course has been met with widespread enthusiasm on campus, resulting in innumerable e-mails to the lyricists-turned-lecturers. “My inbox is so full, I have nearly exceeded the memory limit given to me by the university. THAT SHIT IS FUCKING RIDONKULOUS SON! FUCK DA POLICE AND THEY’RE INBOX MEMORY CAPACITIES!” exclaimed Professor Ren.

The course will consist of students cruising in a 1969 Chevy Impala rolling on twenty-two’s and thumping on hydraulics, using a Mac-10 to blast bitches who be talking smack. The addition of Middletown mayor Domenique Thornton as driver will certainly add a sense of heightened excitement to the course, as well as a challenge to students trying to shoot a moving target from a car going 70 mph and weaving in and out of traffic lanes. Students around campus are proudly proclaiming their excitement about the course. Said Matthew Harrison ’07, “I can’t wait to get sprayed with a few shells. But I sure as Heck won’t walk with a limp, let me tell you that playa!”