Governor M. Jodi Rell yesterday signed into law a ban on Hippie pseudo-music yesterday, making Connecticut the tenth state to do so, and marking a nationwide trend towards banning questionable forms of music.
“This is another great day in the history of our state” said the governor. “No longer will those traversing college campuses have to be subjected to supposedly enlightened hippies banging on such non-instruments as PVC pipe, Styrofoam coolers, plastic trash bins, and empty cans of Chef Boyardee. I mean, have you people heard yourselves? Give a three-year-old a Fisher-Price xylophone and they could make better music than this crap”. As the governor concluded her remarks, a group of protesters began making their so-called “music” across the street from the statehouse. “See what I mean?” said the governor, near incredulously. “They can’t keep a beat for a second. Look at that guy! He’s banging a hanger on a mirror! What the hell is that?”
Reaction to the ban has been positive statewide, but some felt that even stronger measures needed to be taken. “This is a good first step, but more needs to be done”, said Hartford County bailiff Clifton Dobbs. “They need to ban that dancing that they do. Not even a drunk would be able to call that birdlike swaying mess they do ‘dancing’. Just ridiculous”.
Students at Wesleyan University in Middletown noted boards over doors and windows of the West College residence, notoriously described as “The Naked Dorm” by the New York Times. Middletown police suspect that missing water cooler jugs are located within the building.
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