As I apprehensively walked through the hallowed doors of West College Four on that sunny August day, I quickly realized that WestCo was nothing like the bodacious, soccer-balls-to-the-wall bacchanal that Clark Hall had been. In order to prevent future culture shocks due to residential transition, I present a mere sampling of the discrepancies I have noted in my short time residing in WestCo.
1 – Something that was part of my daily life in Clark was making sure that all my friends were aware of just how much I cared about them. Making everybody feel special was just a part of my day! For example, I would always tell my friends how great a job they did if they performed in something around campus. Or, for my female friends, I would give them a firm pat on the behind or play with their breasts. Ya know, just to say, “what’s up, hang in there slugger!” Yet judging by the lingering mace stinging my eyes and the waning electrical shock to my testicles, I’m going to assume that such decorum isn’t exactly cool in WestCo. Buzzkill! I guess that’s okay. I can always just hang out in Fauver.
2 – The communal atmosphere that WestCo creates is awesome! I’ve especially noticed the way in which fellow residents look out for one another’s health. Why, just the other day, I saw two of my male WestCo chums giving each other tonsil inspections with their tongues! Way to go, guys, strep throat’s quite the menace, but it can be stopped. And who says college men are too young for colonoscopies? Certainly not the residents of WestCo, that’s for sure!
3 – While living in WestCo, be sure to make a wise decision about where and what you are eating. For instance, many WestCo residents don’t eat animal products. Or, like, the other day, I was hanging with some of my homeboys on Down 4, when all of a sudden I remembered I was late. “Guys, I have to run to my Klan meeting. But wanna get iced coffees at Pi around five-ish?” They looked at me like I had three heads! They even stopped talking to me, and often punch me in the crotch when passing me in the hallway! Man, I guess iced coffee really isn’t “chill” in WestCo. Zing! Maybe I should have used soy milk.
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