In defense of ourselves

This is an actual anonymous wespeak the Argus got last week. They’re not allowed to print those. And neither are we. But hey, what the hell.

Since last semester, I’d started to get the feeling that pretty much every joke in every issue of the Ampersand pertained to Judaism and its stereotypes. Lo and behold, out comes this week’s edition, which isn’t uniquely Passover-related, in that every issue before it has been the same. It was sort of funny at one point, and it’s now pretty boring the three hundredth time. It’s like the Ampersand keeps telling me “I’m Jewish.” And I’m expected to laugh. Hilarious. I get the feeling that the writers are talented but not putting any effort into crafting original ideas.

I feel like Jerry when Tim Watley converts to Judaism just for the jokes and he tells Watley that he thinks it’s obnoxious:

“Does it offend you as a Jewish person?”

“No. It offends me as a comedian.”

FYI, my favorite articles thus far have been the eight-year-old movie critic and Naomi’s interview with the black squirrel, in case you were wondering, and I’m sure you were.

Normally, I would write some sort of wacky list about this, the majority of which would be confusing, stolen from the Internet or blatantly not funny. But this is a serious matter, and so I am writing a serious article.

In short, the claims of us being too Jewish are hurtful and untrue. As demonstrated by numerous Wespeaks and awkward confrontations at parties, if the Ampersand is “too” anything, it is “too tasteless.” We make fun of people with diseases, act flippantly towards the serious problems of today’s world, support Latin American totalitarian dictators with the money the newspaper gives us, and sometimes openly mock other parts of the Wesleyan Argus.

And yes, sometimes we make a Jewish joke. But if my research is correct, between 30% and 40% of Wesleyan students are Jewish and an untold number of non-Jewish students have an unhealthy obsession with this 30% to 40%. Within Ampersand, there are two Jews out of six staff members. That means that every week, 1/3 of the Ampersand is going to be jokes about Moses or bagels. This is perfectly representational of the Wesleyan student body. And occasionally, there is a Jewish joke made by a non-Jew. For instance, I am about to make one: I wish I was Alex Gelman’s goy-friend. But this joke isn’t funny, and this is my point. I’m writing this for a humor publication and I’m not funny. This is the problem.

If you’re going to complain about anything, don’t complain about us having too many Jew jokes. The Jews are the funniest people around here. Instead, complain about all the other crap we write to fill up the page. Because I write most of that stuff after huffing spray-paint.

P.S. In case you’re confused, I made a chart.