Prefrosh Lost: male, 5’8“, 160-170 pounds, portly in a socially awkward sense, dark-rimmed glasses, hair combed over one eye, talks incessantly of the constructive differences between The Pixies and Talking Heads, and desperately wants to get laid, but will never admit it.
Prefrosh Returns Home Missing Liver, Various Other Internal Organs: Prospective student Peter Gregory returned to his home in Burlington, Vermont with more than just memories of Wesleyan. Gregory had 78 stitches along the right side of his stomach following an impromptu surgery preformed by his host, Leon Poyner ’08. Poyner needed some quick cash on Zonker Harris Day, and was able to coerce Gregory into allowing him to remove his liver. ”The brownies were delicious,“ said Poyner, staring down at a rock that had been spray-painted, believing it was the Messiah. Doctors expect Gregory to live until Thursday, but say they are blindly optimistic.
Prefrosh Found to be Not Skanky, Guys Pissed and Horny: The assumed libidinous nature that comes with a virginal, innocent, nubile, succulent prefrosh’s stay at Wesleyan during WesFest was debunked this past weekend, with the discovery by numerous male students that these pre-frosh were, to their disbelief and blue testicles, not skanky. ”They, like, weren’t skanky. Like, what the fuck man,“ remarked irritated sophomore Josh Chambers, clenching his scrotal area in pent-up sexual frustration. ”I talked to this one girl for, like, two hours, and all I got was a handy. What is this, a feminist convention?!“ added Chambers in anger. Chambers later found out that the aforementioned prefrosh was actually a guy, causing him to seriously question his own heterosexuality.
Leave a Reply