The Class of 2009 is so bad that it makes me want to pee in a pants!!
I am serious in what I say! I read an Argus article that said something like “the Class of 2009 is smarter than any other class ever invented” but if the Argus was a truth-teller it would have said this instead: “Class of 2009? More like class of Suck thousand 9!!”
Unlike people with bias, what I say is fact. It is backed up with facts. For instance, did you know that out of all those accepted into the Class of 2009, 93% wrote their college essay about how fun it is to beat up animals? Fact. I could not believe it either, but then I read this excerpt from Craig Nakamura’s essay:
“The first time I hit a cute dog with a pipe, I could not believe how cool and fun it was! It made me feel like a bigger person. All my friends born after the summer of 1987 have done this too. One day I hope I am a racist.” Craig is choosing between Wesleyan and Tufts.
There are some other facts that do no support my case but they are easily refuted. For instance: The Class of 2009 has 203 valedictorians? More like the Class of 2009 has suck-hundred 3 valedictorians!! QED.
Basically you should not become friends with the Class of 2009. They will not be nearly as cool or as fun as the Class of 2005 was. Don’t make friends with them and forget about who we were. Oh god please don’t forget about us. Please. Please don’t forget about us!!
Here is another thing: most people in the Class of 2009 did not bother to vote in the last election!! It was the most important election of our lives and they did not vote in it! Imagine this: if all of the Class of 2009 lived in Ohio and voted for Kerry, they would have been enough to swing the election. Can you imagine that? Instead, they did not vote, because they were too young to vote. I hate them and I hate math!
Maybe you think that the Class of 2009 is just an easy target that I am picking on because they will probably not read this. However, an easy target is still a target, so I am still right. Now hear this: the Class of 2009 made a joke about Terri Schiavo! I hope you agree that that is inappropriate!
Do I need to go on? No.
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