With their theses finally handed in, seniors are finding themselves unable to rely on the excuse “I have to do my thesis” to get out of obligations ranging from classes to jail time to sex. In the interest of aiding our senior friends, the Ampersand presents the following list of never-fail excuses that should get you out of pretty much anything.
Task will eventually be done by robots anyway
No free food
“My So-Called Life” marathon
Have/am named “Cockburn”
Too rich
Task reinforces hegemony/binary/patriarchy
Have to change colostomy bag
Unassuming but noble-spirited hobbit should do it
The terrorists will win
Vice President for Finance and Administration Marcia Bromberg
Heavy metal told me not to
Phish broke up
Dad is a senator
Gulf War Syndrome
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