Dissociative Identity Disorder

My psych thesis is a case study in Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID). As such, I feel I should be offended by Matt DiBlasi’s comments on DID in the joke issue of the Argus, in which he poked fun at the idea of a dean with “multiple personalities.” I’m not actually offended; in fact I was even a little impressed that he knew to call the disorder DID instead of MPD. But writing this Wespeak is like working on my thesis without actually working on my thesis—something I’ve been avoiding as much as possible this past week or so.

Thus, I will say to you Mr. DiBlasi, that I am shocked and outraged by your callous and ignorant statements. In saying this I will be lying, but it sounds good, right? Very responsible of me. Throw the word “umbrage” in there somewhere, too. (I’d look it up to confirm just how to use it in a sentence, but that’s too much like work.) I would also like to point out that people with DID are capable of holding down jobs without interference from their disorder; my subject has never been hindered professionally by her alters. In fact, one of her alters cares about academic performance more than anything else and spends her time studying diligently. So right now I sort of wish I had DID.

Wow, that sounded very thesis-y. Too bad I’ve already written about that in my first 60 pages.

In closing, I would like to officially castigate DiBlasi for stigmatizing psychological disorders (though of course “disorder” is itself a problematic term, as I have already discussed in ten pages that I’ve yet fit into the structure of my thesis, which has no structure). I would also like to thank DiBlasi for being a scapegoat and for providing me with an outlet for my ulcer-inducing anxiety over a thesis that is such a mess it’s giving my advisor bad dreams.

For those juniors out there considering the path of Honors Thesis, think of Liz Thaler as she huddles in her windowless, underground carrel, popping black-market Adderall and compulsively updating her LiveJournal.

Don’t be like me, children. Don’t be like me.