POINT
Rae Kaplan
Alright city kids, this ignorance has got to stop. Growing up driving around in suburbia, I received a real life street education that you guys just don’t get in your world of walking and public transportation. You city kids think you own the world. Well I got news for you: not in my car.
Can we please talk about calling shotgun? There are proper rules and etiquette to be observed to respect the sanctity of the seat. No, you may NOT sit there just because you want legroom. No, you may NOT reserve shotgun in advance. No, you may NOT call shotgun whenever you feel like it. I know you missed out on this education, and we suburbans should be patient with you, but lets be honest, this lack of consideration and respect on your part needs to be addressed and rectified…NOW! I feel confident that I speak on behalf of my fellow veterans of cars when I say that it’s time you learn.
The shotgun seat may not be assumed to be in your possession automatically unless you have a previous understanding with the driver. It doesn’t matter where you are from, there is no such thing as a car-ocracy, only a drivertatorship. Do not argue with the driver’s rules. They are always right.
And now, the fundamental rule of shotgun calling. Please pay attention carefully- this rule is violated the most often in your ignorance. In order to call claim to the shotgun seat, the car which holds the seat in question MUST be in view. It is simply unacceptable to call shotgun at the mention or planning stages of a car ride. You may not call shotgun from inside a building because you cannot see the car. You may not call shotgun from down the street because you cannot see the car. If there is a giant sumo wrestler standing in front of the car, and you know that the car is parked behind him but you can’t see behind his five hundred pounds of sumo-goodness, then what? Right, you may not call shotgun! And why is that? Right again, because you cannot see the car. Maybe you guys are smarter than you look.
I’m sorry if I’m coming across kind of harsh. I do feel sympathy for you. While you guys were stuck on your buses and trains riding around in circles, you missed out on the fun worlds of Chinese Fire Drills and Pdiddle. However, you city kids have to admit- you do have a superiority complex. So, just to put you in your place: driving over 45 is NOT considered driving fast. Also, I started driving when I was 15 and got my license as my 16th birthday present. We have a word for people who come to college still with out a license: “stupid.”
Maybe that’s unfair, so I won’t really judge you. But I mean, if you all can’t drive, then the least you could do is observe the rules of shotgun. After all, the only thing worse than being a virgin who can’t drive is being a virgin who can’t drive- and calls shotgun from inside.
COUNTERPOINT
Elizabeth Ody
Maybe south of the Potomac you need rules for calling shotgun, but in West Bethesda it’s a damn jungle.
POINT
Rae Kaplan
Bitch.
COUNTERPOINT
Elizabeth Ody
Ho.
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