Let me tell you something about Middlebury College. It is shitty. And I don’t mean that in the way someone would commonly use the word “shitty,” as in, “wow, this movie is shitty!” or “George H.W. Bush was a shitty president, but not as shitty as his shitty kid!” Fact: Middlebury is literally shitty. It is fecal. Do you understand what I am saying? (I should probably mention here that this article is going to be kind of gross, but completely factual. So if you’re easily disgusted by words like poop or butts, you should stop. But if you’re interested in the truth, then read on. Read on.)
Student Life
Confession: I was kidding about the “literally shitty” stuff. Middlebury IS shitty (really really shitty, in fact), but not literally. But if people can’t handle hearing about feces, they don’t deserve to know the truth. Fuckers.
Anyways, student life. You know how sometimes it’ll be Friday night and your friend will call you and be like “what are you doing?” and you’ll be like “nothing” and he’ll be like “oh” and you’ll be like “yeah” and then he’ll be like “wanna get stoned?” In case that’s never happened to you, what I am talking about is smoking marijuana. But at Middlebury, this means having rocks thrown at you. Get it? Because in olden times that happened. At Middlebury they do this for fun. What? Can you imagine? What a shitty place.
Academics
Middleberrians take their academics very seriously. All their classes are about nature. How dumb is that.
School Spirit
The Middlebury mascot is the snail. You fucking idiots!!!! You have a snail for your mascot! I could come up with a better mascot in like five seconds. For instance: the ROACH. The Middlebury Roaches! This is a lameidea too but it’s better than the Snails, is my point! Also: the NAZI. Just kidding though!
And that’s what Middlebury is all about.
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