Due to recent foul weather and continuing labor strife, the construction of the pit of despair on Fauver Field has fallen behind schedule. As a result, the Administration is considering alternative venues for frosh that would have been slated to live in the new facilities.
“While there still is a possibility that construction will be completed by the start of next fall semester, we do not want to get caught with our pants down,” said Interim Dean of the College Peter Patton. “At this point what we are considering are just options. Nothing is definite.”
The impetus for this Plan B-ing was the submission of a worker harassment complaint, completed by local construction worker’s union number 345J$DI. Initial findings have found that several workers were subjugated to noxious and sweet smelling fumes that caused temporary impairment of senses. The contractor has held that these particles did not emanate from the construction site, but were seen wafting in from the general vicinity of WestCo.
While the two sides have been settling their differences, the University believed it was important to keep up the appearance that improvements were being made to the location. Therefore, local unemployed persons, commonly referred to as townies, have been rounded up, supplied with construction gear and told to make a lot of noise during normal work hours.
“Here at Wesleyan, we pride ourselves on helping the community while providing the best possible environment for our students,” said Vice-President of Administration and Finances Marcia Bromberg. “Parents are spending more than $40,000 to send their kids to school. The least we can do is pretend like improvements are being made.”
Students living adjacent to the construction have noticed the difference.
“The other day, they were pouring cement, and this one guy was in the pit and got covered up,” said Nick Nauman ’07. “I hope he is okay. Other than that, nothing is too different, well, except for all the townies that stay after and hit on the girls.”
With the construction difficulties, the Administration and the WSA have gotten together to discuss how they might alleviate the potential housing crunch next fall. Suggestions have included reinstating triples in the Butterfield complex, putting boarders in Psi U and some less orthodox ideas.
“Initially, it seemed like the administrators were leaning towards going with the triples idea, but when they realized we were resigned to that, they seemed to want to think of something worse,” said Elaine Garven, head of the Student Life Committee. “That was when Richard Whitmore jumped up and said, ‘The Cage!’”
As of Monday, the University was leaning towards implementing a system where frosh would be designated housing in the old squash courts. Suggested by Assistant Athletic Director Whitmore, the plan would make each court into a two-person unit.
“Let’s be serious. No one really cares about sports at Wesleyan except for the athletes,” Whitmore said. “By having people live in an athletic facility, maybe they will have a better appreciation for what our sports teams are trying to do. After all, those courts are pretty spacious.”
Student response to the suggestion has thus far been well received despite the lack of Ethernet, phone extension, bedding and bathroom facilities.
“Sure, you couldn’t shower or surf the net, but…ah…at least you could play squash,” said Kevin Haas ’05. “And you know what you can do on those hard wood floors!”
As most housing controversies go, President Doug Bennet remains ambivalent on the matter.
“At first I thought it would be strange to have people living in a place where most people don’t want to even play squash. But then I thought how nice it would be to have some neighbors,” Bennet said. “Now, Midge and I plan on baking some cookies and having a house warming party for those frosh that decide to move in. Hopefully none of them will complain about all that gender neutral shit.”
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