MR: As you reflect back, how was your senior season special?
EB: Far and away the best season I’ve had at Wes, both in terms of our team development on and off the field and having teammates that truly appreciated the meaning of fun on the field, in the locker room and in the shower.
MR: If you had to describe, as a fruit, the way you felt after winning a home playoff game, with which fruit would you choose to do so?
EB: Pomegranate. I felt as if my innards were overflowing with juicy seedpods waiting to explode.
MR: True or false: Wesleyan men’s soccer players are obsessed with nudity.
EB: I don’t know if obsessed is the right word. It’s really more of a love-hate relationship. We love being naked, and we hate not being naked. If I could play a game with only a painted-on number I would probably score four goals…minimum.
MR: Is it safe to assume you will be covered up by a sweet dance costume at next week’s senior cocktails?
EB: You’ll just have to wait and see. But I will say this, the mustache stays.
MR: Indefinitely?
EB: Definitely indefinitely.
MR: You do have quite a mustache. What’s the deal with you and your teammates and facial hair?
EB: We knew we needed something that would distinguish us and send other teams disheartened and confused, shuffling back to the locker room asking, “who were those guys and why do I have the desire to spray Rogain on my upper lip?” The mustache exudes power and domination, yet has an air of class and distinction rare in this MTV world. Men of the 1890s knew it; men of the 70s and 80s knew it. Now we know it.
MR: Who had the best facial hair on the team?
EB: Though Hooter’s [Peter Glidden ’07] mustache was strong to quite strong in the right lighting; I’m going to have to go with Julian Canzoneri’s [’07] seventh-grade peach-fuzz. It made me proud. But Mike, I must ask: what happened to your cookie duster?
MR: P-Rod was feeling too inferior. Speaking of missing mustache’s, did you have an intense emotional moment, similar to my crushing despair, when Noah [Isaac ’06] somehow lost his handlebar ‘stache?
EB: I felt like I had lost a part of me. Noah brought legitimacy to the mustache world and it was hard continuing on with the season.
MR: I have a quote from an anonymous teammate:
EB: “When the wind is soft, and the stars are bright. I hear Berdo’s music, singing through the night.”
MR: Am I to understand you are also musically inclined?
EB: Well, that’s a silly quote. Do I smell a Chris Brown [’07]? But it’s true I’ve always loved singing in the shower; surrounded by three or four other naked types.
[Evan paused momentarily at this point and just looked out the Campus Center window.]
But I am also deeply interested in my guitar playing. In fact, now that I have a little more time on my hands I’m looking to form a Polka slash Opera performing arts sextet. If anyone is interested, please call me.
MR: Want me to give out your number?
EB: No.
[The next pause is my fault, momentarily lost in my disappointment.]
MR: Multiple choice. Are you A: more sad that the team photo is being removed from the school’s website? Or B: more happy because the team earned a chance at redemption with a second team picture shoot?
EB: A, more sad that the team photo is being removed. I felt that it really captured the essence of Wesleyan men’s soccer. I can guarantee if you look at any other team’s photo they will be trying to look tough or manly, possibly even intimidating. We don’t buy into that hoo-hah.
MR: Hoo-hah indeed. Everyone is dying for confirmation of the Finland rumor. Are you going?
EB: Contract negotiations are still being worked out, but let’s just put it this way: Javier [Gaston-Greenberg ’05] and I already secured jobs picking strawberries.
MR: All the ladies have been asking me about this one. What’s your major?
EB: Sociology.
MR: Any plans to use that degree in the future?
EB: I don’t plan on doing anything in the near future with it formally, but I believe it is one of those areas of study that affects how you see things in every day life, and in that sense it will live with me through the ages.
MR: Do you have any formal plans for Saturday night?
EB: Well I have a rough draft of my senior essay due Sunday, and technically I haven’t started writing it. So I will probably only go out until five or six in the morning.
MR: What happened to Jacquiss?
EB: He’s been rolling around in my trunk for the past two months.
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