n the past many men have been reluctant to attend the annual Take Back the Night march. Men are sometimes deterred by the portrayal of sexual assault as a women’s issue and the fact that there are few things more painful than listening to personal accounts of sexual violence. Also, as a man it is difficult to acknowledge that you identify with a group that is responsible for the vast majority of sexual crimes. Given such disincentives, it becomes all too easy for men to let another march pass by without seriously considering why they were not a part of it.
The reason that is used most frequently for avoiding the march seems to be that men feel attacked. Presumably this is because most of the stories told focus on sexual violence by men against women. Unsurprisingly, the men in these stories are not presented as nice, clean, boys. When the same depiction is repeated over and over, one gets the sense that men as a group are rather unsavory characters. Although this perception is rather unpleasant if you happen to be a man, the characterization stems from the real experiences of Wesleyan students that are repeatedly confirmed on a large scale by statistics.
Therefore, it is worth considering whether there is indeed something about masculinity that really does deserve to be confronted. Yes, men are people too and yes, most men don’t rape. Nonetheless, it is preposterous to claim that while being socialized as men we managed to be uninfluenced by the cultural roles that lead to sexual assault. This dark and unpleasant stuff absolutely must be confronted, even if you feel bad that others are criticizing aspects of masculinity which you may be able to recognize in yourself.
Another common explanation employed by those who do not attend the march is that its policies discriminate against men. They are right. The march does not provide 100 percent equal treatment for men and women. One difference is that men are asked not to walk at the front of the march. The reason for this request is that Take Back the Night is often an extraordinarily emotional and difficult experience for survivors of sexual assault, the vast majority of whom are women. Against that emotional backdrop, some of these women may feel uncomfortable walking arm-in-arm with men. The designation of the women-only section is thus intended to minimize such discomfort.
It is also requested that men not speak-out in the first circle because the tone of the march can dramatically change for women if men speak first. Given our society’s tendency to allow certain voices to be overridden by men, the organizers feel that it is justified for women and trans people to talk alone in at least one of the three speak-outs.
You may find these arguments insufficient grounds for maintaining sex-based divisions at the Take Back the Night March. You also may be concerned that these policies hurt men who have been assaulted. Perhaps you are right. However, right or wrong, it is still worth contemplating whether the sex-based divisions are so problematic as to override the importance of supporting the march’s overall goals.
If you are still doubtful, please consider one more point before deciding not to attend: the meaning of privilege. Privilege is the ability to remain silent about a certain injustice without directly suffering the consequences of that silence. Most men can ignore sexism and sexual violence without suffering any easily identifiable restrictions on their freedom. However, these issues can affect men’s lives in more subtly destructive ways. It is also worth noting that by choosing not to act, men leave their female friends, mothers, and sisters to pay the price.
MEN: Go to Take Back the Night. Show your willingness to give back the night; because you don’t want it to be yours alone and because it should never have been yours in the first place. Show your support for those who have suffered from sexual violence. Show that you want to listen and learn.
Then, after you go home, sit down and think carefully about yourself and the culture that you live in. Try to recognize that the sexist behaviors and attitudes that surround you are on a continuum with rape, and are necessary for its existence. Make a commitment to yourself to consider every possible way you can help ensure that things like what you heard at Take Back the Night never happen again. Then, do those things…because the consequences of remaining inactive are simply horrible.
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