Christofer,
As liaison to Monsieurs Rood-Ojalvo and Spitzer-Hirsch, I have been invested with the duty to respond to your fitful and postured attempt to place yourself as Community Relations consort for Nietzsch Factor. A brand of self-promotion reminiscent of that practiced by the tenants of “the house next to Zeb’s and Fleischner’s on Pearl Street.” Your piece of rhetoric in last Tuesday’s Argus warrants reconsideration.
Simply put, Christofer, you are not a member of the Nietzsch family. Issues of perpetration withheld, you encourage a cultural matrix or ethos of Nietzsch life that is inconsistent with our stated program. We are an organization that is consciously progressive in outlook, rooted in a post-structuralist ontology that stresses introspective game play, and a You Got Served mentality that defies a stagnant lexicon of “cocky” or “rebellion.” Nietzsch is a lifestyle—Ultimate is our language. A continually evolving vocabulary made of hucks, lay-out d’s, in-cuts, and breaks, creating sentences of “frisbee flow” which are greater than the sum of our individual units. Chris, you have set a pick in our syntax. Your writing exemplifies…
Your “invective”—part Aeneid part Thus Spake Zarathustra—is ananachronism. The “flick” and “hammer” are 1997 throws. Our Frisbee handling is now modeled on the work of action art consultant Liz Streb. The “backhand toss” has been replaced with “quarter left…upside down Y…wall to crouch.”
We are not friends.
You aren’t invited to practice.
We all know that you have a difficult time getting over breakups, so we offered a gentle severance package. Called you for co-ed Fridays; kept you on the email listserv.
It is clear that you have not caught our gist.
You are formally excommunicated from Middletown Flatball.
You will not be missed. The freshmen don’t know who you are.
In closing, an obituary for your Frisbee career: Fulfilled niche of Westco Resident not named Vern—until Phenom. Friends with priority groupies Diego Ortiz and Mike Kearns. Much-needed WASP. Team Raver.
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