Guys make me hard

Horny is what I am. Very very randy. This relates to the rest of my Wespeak, don’t worry. So this past Saturday night I was riding my skateboard and talking to these two girls on the High Street sidewalk, coming out of the Psi U party. Walking in my direction was a bunch of frosh-like jocks. One of them, cup/beer in hand, shoulders me off my skateboard. Ok. So WTF. Hey you, do you remember this or were you not sober enough? Ya, you, little freshman who think you’re hard. The only thing hard that night was me. Never ever ever give me a boner using bodily contact without my permission. It’s funny being mistaken for a straight guy, and more than funny, it’s titillating. Maybe it’s the skull and snakes on the back of the board… gives the wrong message. You probably thought you were so cool to knock some a-hole off his skateboard who’s trying to smooth talk two chicks. Well, my friend, the only thing I would do with them is probably talk about how I can’t wait to see you shirtless. All I’m trying to say is that you’re purrty. Yah, the power in your upper chest was a little pussy (I didn’t even really fall, it was more like a walking-off-a-step sort of motion)… BUT, I’m sure you still have a really hairy chest. And believe you me, NOTHING turns me on more than a hairy chest. That’s not true, hairy legs that twinkle in sunlight make me squeal… sometimes out loud and in public. Hey, so you, guy who thinks you’re Mr. Hard Guy…if you ever, EVER touch me again…I’ll be expecting flowers. And breakfast the next morning, little man.